Thirteen weeks old...!

Dear Nicky,

You're thirteen weeks old today! Did I seem more lively and alert today in comparison to yesterday? That's because I got some sleep last night. It made me feel so good I was jumping up and down this morning taking pictures of you. I got a great one of you smiling. You smiled because I was jumping around and you laughed. It's a great picture and got plenty of praise from those who saw it. Your PT came by this afternoon. You and he work very well together, but this afternoon you were a little fussy and we had to end the session early for fear of you having a meltdown. You fell asleep before he was even out the door. That's okay. You're making significant progress every day. Now it's nothing for you to hold your head at a 90-degree angle for several minutes. Not too long, a few minutes on your stomach was intolerable and now you're almost rolling over. We also went to the hardware store, the post office, and the sandwich place. You're excellent company: you're fun to be around and you don't talk too much.

Love,
Dad

We go to Target...

Dear Nicky,

When the cleaning people came today, you and I went for a walk around the pier. But it was so muggy outside I didn't think you'd be comfortable. I know I certainly wasn't, so we came back and got in the car and went to Target, where we got some basics and killed some time in relative comfort. You were so good. You caused no fuss, and it was another case of you and me venturing out alone together, a scenario that helps me get more and confident with you. I still don't know if I'll be toting you around in a baby bjorn in public anytime soon, but I don't mind pushing your stroller one bit, because I'm so crazy-proud of who it contains.

Love,
Dad

You flip for me...!

Dear Nicky,

You were a sweet kid as usual today and you worked very well with the physical therapist. You're still not napping as effectively as you should, I suppose, but you're a great nighttime sleeper. We gave you a nice bath tonight and then you almost had a sleep meltdown, which is when you let us know you're extremely tired. And you should be tired because you got quite a workout today. What I found especially impressive today, however, was in your morning tummy time session. When put on your stomach, you didn't spend a lot of time with big head movements. No sir, you almost flipped over on your back. I'll say it again. You almost flipped over on your back. If you could've gotten your legs and hips just a little bit more coordinated, you would have flipped over onto your back. I'll bet you'll be doing so by next week. It's really amazing watching your progress, Nick. I'm so proud of you.

Love,
Dad

We hate Mondays...

Dear Nicky,

It was dreary and muggy all day today. I wish it had been nice and sunny. That's when I like to take you out. Today it was raining most of the day, and when it stopped for a while, I took you out only to have it start to rain again. So we only spent a couple minutes outside today, but I think you got some mist in your face, which I consider stimulation. I hope you do, too. You did well as usual on tummy time, also, today. Session two ended with a little bit of a meltdown but not vomiting-bad. You went to sleep on the early side tonight. Why not? What else is there to do on lousy days? Mom got you a couple more sleep sacks and some thermal onesies. It's all about maintaining that magnificent sleep pattern you were born with, where you sleep all night long, thank goodness.

Love,
Dad

Sunday...

Dear Nicky,

You were a little fussy today. We're not sure why. Maybe it's the weather, maybe you felt you needed a bath, or maybe you're still a bit uncomfortable from the Hepatitis B shot you got on Friday. Even though we might call you fussy, your fussiness is kind of reassuring in that it lets us know that you are your own developing little person inside. You calmed down a bit in the afternoon and did some really great activities on tummy time. At dinner you ate about two ounces less than usual, which is no big thing. You sure are a cute kid no matter what, though.

Love,
Dad

What we did today...

Dear Nicky,

Today was Saturday. It was a really hot day, but you and I went down to the promenade and the pier by the water where there was a cool breeze blowing. Earlier today I went to the foot doctor. I was hoping to get another shot in my foot because it really helped last time, but they didn't give me one; instead they wrapped my feet with some tape, which also helps. Mom had to do some reading for work, so that's why you and I went out for a while. We went and got some tuna sandwiches for our lunch (mine and Mom's). Away from the water, the temperature went up considerably. I was a little worried about you and almost brought you back without going for the food, but we tried it and you toughed it out like the champion you are. Then we came back and hung out, did some laundry, had some food. No big deal. During an afternoon feeding you impressed us with how you grabbed the bottle. You couldn't get it in your mouth, but you really tried. I was pretty amazed, as usual.

Love,
Dad

See you, Hep cat...

Dear Nicky,

Today you got your hepatitis B shot. You cried a little but bared it like a man. The doctor was very impressed with your head-lifting and your weight gain. You fussed a little earlier, so I gave you a drop of baby Tylenol. You're great.

Love,
Dad

A visit to Stepping Sone

Deqr Nicky,

I'll have give you todays; details tomorrow. Now I;m just too tired,

Love,
Dad

Like a drug...

Dear Nicky,

First off, I apologize for making you gag earlier. I was overconfident and too fast. My bad for making you spit up the way you did. Champion that you are, you didn't even complain. But I sure felt bad anyway. Fortunately I had an image in my mind that helped me deal with--and will always help--feeling bad. This afternoon we went for a walk and then too a seat on a park bench. You fell asleep in your stroller. It was a very nice day and fresh oxygen really knocks you out. You slept while I read for a bit. Then at one point when I just happened to be looking at your little face, your eyes rolled open and locked on mine. You looked at me like you expected to see me, and you gave me a big, slow smile that was so warm and full of intelligence that I knew you recognized me. It was real thrill!

Love,
Dad

Irrepressible joy...

Dear Nicky,

Taking care of a little baby is supposed to be hard work, isn't it? Then how come I enjoy hanging out with you so much? Today was our second day alone together and it was even better than the first. You had two therapists come by, speech and physical. Speech was Shelby, who's just great. Physical was a new guy named Marloni, who was really good with you and who you smiled at a lot. I thought he looked like he needed a wash, but he was pretty nice, all things considered. You were so brave and well-behaved and impressive with both; you make me so proud. Mom came home from work feeling a little sick; I hope it's not catching. You and I hung out, played, and talked. My boy, a smile from you is like some kind of euphoria shot. It makes me feel so good.

Love,
Dad

Just the two of us, Day One...

Dear Nicky,

Today was Mom's first day back at work and our first full day alone together (you and I). It wasn't so hard because you made it easy. You ate well, worked out well, napped a little, and in general were pretty amazing. You cried a little, but not too badly. When Mom came home she was a little stressed from her first day back in the office. I think she was disappointed that there weren't that many people in her office to welcome her back, due to business travel and vacations. Just between you and me, I think when she came home she was a little disappointed in how well we got along today. That's understandable, of course, everybody loves to feel wanted. And of course we missed her. She's the champion of both of us, and she's as protective as a mama tiger with her family.

Love,
Dad

My first Father's Day...

Dear Nicky,

Mom gave me a couple of really sweet cards this morning for Father's Day. One was ostensibly from you, which I thought was very cute. It had a picture of a little kid's hand holding his father's hand. The caption read, "Thus hand in hand through life we'll go..." Truer words were never spoken, my little boy. I am so proud to be your father.

Love,
Dad

We scare easy...

Dear Nicky,

You sleep like a log. During the day, you almost never sleep. Sometimes you'll take a quick catnap, and you'll be awake again before I even have a chance to try to lie down myself. At night, however, usually around seven or a little later, you are done for the day, out like a light, and that's how you've been since we brought you home. One time, during the day, early in our association, we put you down for a nap too soon after feeding. You must've spit up a bit, and then aspirated it, and you woke up screaming bloody murder. But you never woke up at night before, until tonight. We think it might have been some gas pain or something, but one minute you were sound asleep, then the next you were awake and crying, and with increasing volume and distressedness. Thankfully, it didn't last long. Mom comforted you, and you quickly relaxed. I reswaddled you and put you back in your bassinet, where now you lay, sleeping peacefully, with me peering in on you like a mother hen. All I'm saying, Nick, is take it easy on us, okay? Mom and I are pretty nervous first-time parents, and we scare easy.

Love,
Dad

Good workout...

Dear Nicky,

Today, Lauren, your occupational therapist came back and worked you over pretty good. You did really well and she couldn't say enough nice things about you. Then we went for a nice walk, all three of us. Later Mom went and got herself some beauty treatments. You were so well behaved, you're no trouble at all. You napped pretty good today, especially this afternoon. What with your strenuous workout and lots of fresh oxygen, I'm not surprised.

Love,
Dad

A long day's journey into Glengarry...

Dear Nicky,

Today a new therapist came by to see you. Her name is Shelby and she's your new speech pathologist. Mom and I could tell she was good at her job. She was positive, intelligent, and articulate. She's going to help you with your oral muscular development. In the afternoon we went to see a geneticist, who was nice enough. She was neither especially discouraging or encouraging, but she did order blood tests for all three of us, so she was helpful insofar as that was concerned. For some reason you started wailing about halfway through the consultation's, so hard that you threw up, as a matter of fact. Then we drove around for a while till we got to this hospital in central Jersey. They drew Mom's blood, then mine, then yours. Mom held you while they stuck you. You howled in pain and anger, but fortunately these two phlebotomists knew their job and got you done quick. After, we came home, gave you a quick six ounces, and put you to sleep. You were out like a light. We left you in Grandma's care and went into the city to see a Broadway play. It was our first time out without you. They play was good and we enjoyed ourselves, but we missed you a lot. We hurried home to find you resting peacefully as usual. Grandma couldn't believe what a peaceful baby you are. Mom and I know you truly are amazing, and know that's only one of your many talents.

Love,
Dad

Pal of mine...

Dear Nicky,

Today we took a practice drive out to Stepping Stones so that I could know the way to go when the time comes for us to go there. It seems easy enough, but we drive a long ways west only to turn around and head back east to get to where we're going. There must be an easier way. After that we went to the mall at Short Hills. There's a lot of toney shops there, my boy, a lot of money is there, and lots of people walking around that want you to know that they have lots of money. We looked around at some stuff, but I wasn't really interested. We were there more to kill time than anything else. We also had lunch. I had a thin crust pizza that was pretty good, but is now giving me heartburn. Mom had some chicken thing that looked good also. You woke up right in the middle of the meal and demanded to be fed, so I gave you a bottle, which you downed handily. It was perfect timing, actually, because it gave the pizza a chance to cool off. So, thanks.

Love,
Dad

My hero...

Dear Nicky,

You did a total of forty minutes of tummy time today. Outstanding! And some great movements, too! My gosh, kid, you're wonderful. We didn't go for a walk today because it was too hot, but we did take a quick trip over to BJ's to stock up on diapers and wipes. You didn't seem to care for the place. I can't blame you. It's too loud and bright in there. You're also napping more lately, which makes us think you're going through a growth spurt, and you're gurgling and cooing more, and actually responding to us when we talk to you. You don't do it that often, but you make progress steadily in all areas, so we feel very positive about it. Come to think about it, we feel pretty positive about every aspect of you.

Love,
Dad

You and me, pal...

Dear Nicky,

Today Mom went to the mall to get a bunch of new clothes because she goes back to work next week. It really is astonishing how quickly time has gone by. It seems like only the other day did the doctors diagnose you prenatally with T21. That was over three months ago, and since that time you have defied everybody's predictions and have filled our lives with a wonder we never knew existed. But I digress. Mom went to the mall. You and I hung out together. What a nice time I had with you, kiddo. You're so exceptional. You ate some, napped some, did some tummy time, and then we went for a nice walk down on the pier, where I made sure you got plenty of fresh air. Soon it'll just be you and me during the days. Take it easy on me, okay kid?

Love,
Dad

Restful Sunday...

Dear Nicky,

Yesterday we were all tired. Today we're all better rested. You got some napping on your tummy today a couple times, as you fell asleep during tummy time. You sleep very soundly on your belly. We kept an eye on you the whole time, of course. We think you're undergoing another growth spurt, so you need lots of sleep. Mom and I think that's so sweet. Don't ask us why; we just do. We didn't do much else today, except go for a walk. Everything looks better when you get some rest. I'm going to bed in a few minutes. Gosh, it feels good to get some sleep.

Love,
Dad

Pooped on Saturday...

Dear Nicky,

I don't know if it was the travel or the Chinese food yesterday, but Mom and I were really tired today. You seemed a little tired, too, and kind of fussy. I know intellectually that that's because you're a baby and the nature of a baby is to be unpredictable, but because Mom and I are a little extra sensitized, when you cry, we feel the pain. I know that is illogical and emotional, but it's true nonetheless. We didn't even go outside today, because we were tired and because the weather was really hot and humid, and we didn't think you'd enjoy it very much. We knew we wouldn't, at least. We just assumed you wouldn't. Hopefully, you be more rested tomorrow. And hopefully we will, too.

Love,
Dad

Mommy's birthday...

Dear Nicky,

Today was Mommy's birthday. It was a little rough because of the stress we insist on putting ourselves through. It could've been better, but it was what it was. Nobody's perfect, we all make mistakes, and we are all shaped and defined by our fears and dreams.

Love,
Dad

Star Wars...

Dear Nicky,

Today I went to see the last Star Wars movie. The special effects were of course great, but the story was a little uneven and clumsy in places, although it did reflect certain current political situations rather effectively. But it really made me think of you, because despite this movie's grand scope and limitless budget, it was about a father trying to do what he thought was best for his family, at least that's what I came away with, along with a case of the shivers because the theater was ice cold. Anyway, this wasn't the all-time best Star Wars movie, but it was undoubtedly the best of the "new" three. Someday, you and I will watch them all in order. We'll make a whole day of it.

Love,
Dad

Field trip...

Dear Nicky,

Today we went on a field trip of sorts, to a park in northern New Jersey, where we met other parents with kids with Trisomy 21. The organizer has been very helpful to us with getting your EI going. Everybody was nice, but it was too hot. Later, back home you were evaluated by another therapist, who was very impressed with your muscle tone, strength, and coordination. Another day, another wonder. In the car on the way back from the park Mom and I were discussing how our hearts were broken when we learned prenatally that you had Trisomy 21, but now that you're here, the more we get to know you, the more we watch your tireless efforts physical and mental, your courage and strength and persistence, the more you put our hearts back together.

Love,
Dad

Super Tuesday...

Dear Nicky,

Today you did some more amazing head lifts during tummy time. You did some more cooing and gurgling. And you took a little bit longer nap. When I hold you in my lap to feed you, we take a break about halfway through and have a conversation. Sometimes I'll talk plain speech, other times I'll talk baby talk. You tend to talk back in your own way, and you focus like a laser on my mouth when I talk. I watch you watching me and I know you're learning. Your droll output has increased lately, and Mom says it's the precursor to cutting some teeth. You're not even two and a half months old yet and you're making great progress. On the day-to-day report, we gave you a bath and went to Target, then went for a brief stroll when we came back. It was a very nice day.

Love,
Dad

Gabby guy...

Dear Nicky,

The past couple days, when Mom and I make cooing sounds at you, you've been answering back. Not all the time but sometimes. The same goes for when we smile at you; you smile back. It's just wonderful to see. It seems whenever we have a concern about something having to do with your development, you waste no time in addressing that concern and making us feel better. Case in point: your neck. We were worried that you might have wryneck (an abnormal twist to the position of the head due to uneven tension in the neck muscles), which could have also led to flat head syndrome. Next thing we know, you're working out like a champ on tummy time, making giant impressive lifts and moves. Same thing with your cooing. Gosh, we sure are crazy proud of you.

Love,
Dad

Our redeemer...

Dear Nicky,

My sweet little guy, I love you so much. I love you and Mom so much. My little family. My son, you are the greatest thing that's ever happened to us, and we have no idea the full extent of the gifts you bring us, the joy, the deliverance, the redemption. Before you were born, I heard a voice in my head. I don't know if it was real or not, but I heard it plain as day. It told me that when you came I would be reborn. I'm starting to believe it.

Love,
Dad

Good Saturday...

Dear Nicky,

Not much went on today, except that you're doing increasingly well on tummy time. I mean you are really getting strong. You're lifting that big melon of yours way up there and keeping it up quite a bit. Yesterday was kind of dreary and Mom and I were really tired, which made us feel down overall, but today was a good day, with nice weather and great eating behaviors on your part. It was so nice out we took you for a stroll twice, once in early afternoon and once this early evening. I'm not sure the second stroll was more calming than stimulating, since you seemed kind of unwilling to go to sleep when we got back and it was already past your bedtime. We're still trying to figure out a schedule for you. I almost forgot: when we got back you sounded really congested, so I dropped some Ayr drops into your shnozz, gave you some really brief tummy time, and pulled out a really big booger from your right nostril. And then you could breathe easy again. You're welcome.

Love,
Dad

Lots of visitors...

Dear Nicky,

Today a bunch of people came to see you. They were here to arrange for your therapy with Early Intervention, a state-sanctioned program whereby children with disabilities receive treatment to enable them to do the same things as other children. I wish you didn't need this treatment, but unfortunately you do. We don't think your disabilities are very significant. In fact, doctors have told us that in many ways you're ahead of the curve in terms of development. But the fact remains that you've been diagnosed with Trisomy 21 and will probably have to deal with some obstacles. These obstacles might be large or small; it's too early to tell. If they're large, the treatment can only help; if they're small, the treatment can only help put you ahead of the game. It couldn't hurt, in other words. Mom and I really hope that all the stimulation you'll be receiving from these people will pay off. We just want you to have every advantage possible.

Love,
Dad

Target and you...

Dear Nicky,

You've been eating very well lately. You were always a good little eater, but now you're moving up in the ranks of ounces consumed, so bully for you. You threw up a little this afternoon, but it's never a big deal. Afterward, you always want to resume eating. I worked out a little too hard too soon at the gym today, though, and my shins are killing me. Pain in the shins after running is called "shin splints," and is the result of muscle tearing away from the bone, so I'm told. It tends to hurt a lot, but it heals itself with time. Speaking of exercise, you're doing very well on tummy time, and you're extremely active in your Gymini. You tend to be a bit tired afterward, but the exertion is what stimulates muscle development. We're giving you lots of palate massages, too. This afternoon we took you to Target, a large discount retailer. You slept in the car on the way over, but woke up in the store. You were such a good boy. Even awake in a foreign place, you just sort of hung out and observed things. I know this place must've provided plenty of stimulation for you: there were all sorts of colors and sounds and smells to see. Mom picked out some cool clothes for you, too. It was a nice day.

Love,
Dad

Every day a new wonder...

Dear Nicky,

Today you and Mom met Granny at the mall while I stayed home and worked out like a madman at the gym. When you guys came back, we gave you a workout on tummy time, where you actually lifted your whole upper body into the air for a split-second. That's yet another step in your development. I did this thing where I held you under the arms and lifted you into the air a little bit, then I would put your feet on my lap and watch as your little legs pressed upward. That's another good thing to see in terms of mental and physical development. This is all very encouraging for both Mom and me, Nick, so you just keep going along at your own pace, which seems pretty advanced to, as it does to some many other people, the so-called experts who are never right about anything.

Love,
Dad