Lonely for you...

Dear Nicky,

You're in Florida. I'm in Jersey. Tomorrow I'll be in California. Mom said you ate pretty well but went to sleep really early. Considering how exhausting your day must've been yesterday I'm not surprised. I told Mom that between the trip and the excitement of the ocean, I think you'll get plenty of sleep. I love to hear about you going to sleep early. I think this trip is very exciting and stimulating for you. I miss you a lot, your little exclamations, your gestures, your laugh, everything about you. Except your tantrums, which are few, and your food peccadilloes, which are numerous.

Love,
Dad

Big trip arrives...

Dear Nicky,

This morning I drove you, Mom, and June to the airport in Pennsylvania. Your grandparents, Aunt Duchie, and girl cousins were already there. Junie was passed out asleep. Parking and check-in were a breeze. The flight was delayed once it made its stop in Atlanta and then on the next flight there was some kind of mix up and you guys almost got bumped. Junie screamed every mile along the way, is what I heard, while I heard you were just amazingly good natured, happy, charming, and all-around angelic the whole time. And as usual people went nuts for you. I won't see you for several days, but I won't stop thinking about my little family for a minute. You're my sweet, good boy.

Love,
Dad

Big trip...

Dear Nicky,

Tomorrow, you, Mom, and June are going to Florida for Granny's family reunion. None of the other outside husbands are going, so I won't be there. But I know you'll have a great time and that everyone will love you. Take it easy on Mom on the plane, because she's kind of nervous. I won't see you for ten days, but I'll be good and rested for you guys because I'm going to Los Angeles for a few days to relax and have fun too. And when you come back, Mom leaves the next day for her big annual writer's conference. This year it's in Texas.

Love,
Dad

My beloved...

Dear Nicky,

You are my most precious little boy, good natured, lovely character, brilliant personality. I never forget that, but sometimes I get distracted by the drudgery and frustrations of everyday life and don't tell you how great you are and how much I love you. Ready? You're great and I love you.

Love,
Dad

Hot out...

Dear Nicky,

It was really hot out today. I think maybe it was the heat or your teeth, but you weren't really into eating or participating with your PT this afternoon. You sure are getting the hang of the DVD player: you can turn up the volume and change the selection for what's playing. A new game you like is called Hold On, where I pick you up and hold you against me and encourage you to wrap your arms around me as I'm standing. Then I say "Hold on!" and you cling tighter and try to keep from sliding down. It's a lot of laughs.

Love,
Dad

An okay mood...

Dear Nicky,

Everything was pretty okay today. You had two therapies, PT and OT, and you did all right with them, although I'm not sure I'm really liking this new OT. I find her a little condescending. This afternoon you took a nap in your crib for a while, then did your usual work-yourself-into-a-frenzy shtick. I couldn't soothe you by rubbing your back, couldn't soothe you in the recliner, so I put you in our bed, because I guess the smell of our pillows usually does the trick. But not today; you just kept tossing about, miserable, trying to go back to sleep, so finally I picked you up and put you on my chest and you were out like a light in a few seconds, and you slept for another hour or so, pinning me helplessly. I didn't mind.

Love,
Dad

Sunday tension...

Dear Nicky,

Today was kind of tense because both you and your sister were quite fussy. But Mom took you guys to Granny's where you got into the pool and had a great time. You finally ate some food over there and came back already asleep.

Love,
Dad

On the lawn...

Dear Nicky,

Today you refused breakfast. We think it's your teeth. When we finally got you down for a morning nap, I went for a run again. It's still tough, but I got my iPod to work right this time. I ran 1 3/4 miles. And in only 15 minutes. Pretty good for an old man. It feels like I'm cleaning cobwebs out of my lungs. Then I tried to put together this chair for out on the deck, but it was defective so I took it back for a new one, but that one had the same problem, so I just got our money back. When I got home, Mom had taken you guys to the mall for some stuff, so I grabbed some lunch and started to put together this new barbecue grill we got. It took a long time! When you guys came back, Mom took June upstairs for a while, and I put you in the swing and swung you for a while. You loved it. Then they came back and the three of you hung out on the lawn, playing in the grass, while I worked on the barbecue. Then we went out for dinner to this place downtown called Cheeseburger Cheeseburger. You guys were a handful, and you merely ate some fries, but Mom told me you had a big lunch, so I guess one meal a day is the best we can hope for. We ate and ran because you both started fussing, and hurried home to put you to sleep. You were crashing early because you didn't take a nap this afternoon. I hope those teeth are done soon.

Love,
Dad

Fever...!

Dear Nicky,

So yesterday you had a fever, and this morning, too. But we got some more Tylenol into you and I think it finally broke this afternoon. You barely ate a thing all day. This morning after your bath you took a nice long nap. About an hour or so into it, you started doing your "transition whine," which is when you start to cry because you can't make some kind of transition from a light sleep to a deeper one. Anyway, that's what we've been told. So, you were doing the initial part of your whine, and I knew if I left you alone you'd just work yourself up, so I picked you up and held you while you slept--for about two more hours! I was trapped! My arm went numb! You slept and slept and sweated and sweated, and I loved every second of it! This evening we checked your temperature and you were fine. Maybe it's your teeth. I'll be glad when they're all in, at last.

Love,
Dad

I ran...

Dear Nicky,

I went for a run this morning. Your nanny was really late this morning because she claims she got lost. I'm starting to wonder about her, quite frankly. Anyway, fortunately you're off from Stones for a few weeks so there was no need to rush out. I got a new iPod with a Nike sensor and went for what felt like a 15-minute run. But I didn't calibrate the thing right and so it thought I only ran for five feet. I think I want to try it again tomorrow. This afternoon you felt feverish. Don't know if it's a bug or teething, but you seemed much better after a dose of Tylenol. As far as your OT's concerned, she thinks you're doing amazing, which is what I've known all along.

Love,
Dad

Eating...

Dear Nicky,

This morning you ate three pancakes for breakfast. You clearly loved them, but disdainfully dropped a tiny sample of sausage on the floor when I offered it to you. You took a nice long morning nap, then had a bunch of pizza bites for lunch. That pretty much took care of your appetite for the day, because at dinner when I offered you some chicken you usually love, you tossed it all away. I took a chance on some yogurt, with fish oil and protein powder, and you ate it reasonably well with a spoon. You really resisted getting your teeth brushed, and your gums bled a little, too. Hope it's not gingivitis already.

Love,
Dad

Spoonfeedin'

Dear Nicky,

So today was a good day at Stones, and the last one for a few weeks, We get a break before the summer session starts. This evening after you had a nice bunch of chicken to eat, I gave you some yogurt with fish oil in a bowl, and you fed yourself with a spoon. It was messy, but you consumed most of it without too much trouble. Progress!

Love,
Dad

A swarm of activity...

Dear Nicky,

So today you started with your new OT, named Heather. She seemed quite impressed with you. She arrived fifteen minutes early, while I was outside admiring our newly paved driveway. Earlier in the morning the paver guys came while I was feeding you both. Then later the window guy came while you were working with yout OT and Junie was eating her lunch. After everybody was fed, Junie took a little nap while you refused to take one. Around 4:30 we went to get your Pepcid prescription refilled, then when we got back, Mom was already here. Yay!

Love,
Dad

Nyquil Nockout..

Dear Nicky,

I'll get back to you tommow.

Love,
Dad

Powerwashing...

Dear Nicky,

Today I worked on washing the deck and the patio with my powerwasher. It took a long time, but now they're clean. Mom took you guys to the park, but Junie fussed too much to stay long. She's been sick, poor little thing. Your mood has been great and you spoonfed yourself a bowl of yogurt. I think I may have Junie's cold, however. I hope you don't get it.

Love,
Dad

Beat and poopy...

Dear Nicky,

I have diarrhea. And I'm tired. You got a nice haircut today. That's all.

Love,
Dad

The runaround...

Dear Nicky,

Mom took you to Stones today, while I ran all over creation buying stuff. Junie has a cold, which I think she picked up from her cousin, or it might be plain ol' teething. You did well at Stones and with Ellen your speech therapist. Not much else to report.

Love,
Dad

Slacking...

Dear Nicky,

I'm sorry I haven't been writing anything worthwhile lately. The fact of the matter is I'm so tired and depressed all the time. I haven't had decent night's sleep in over two years. Two years, man! Anyway, not much is going on worth writing about anyway. I try to see the wonder in the everyday, but all I know is the same routine day in day out. I've got two heavy children that can't even stand, let alone walk, who whine and fuss all day long. You don't eat but a few things and you don't nap hardly at all. This, of course, is the nature of infant behavior, but it catches up with you once in a while. I'm writing this to you earlier than usual because I want to go to be super early tonight and get some sleep. Without sleep a person can't function very well, and I want to be a better person and father to you.

Love,
Dad

Wipe out...

Dear Nicky,

I'm just too tired.

Love,
Dad

Relentless...

Dear Nicky,

You kids were awful this afternoon, I'm so tired!

Mom's Big 4-Oh...!

Dear Nicky,

Today was Mom's birthday. I've been giving her presents all week. I'm so tired this morning I got into the shower, wet my hair, but forgot to shampoo it. More to come.

Love,
Dad

Hot Friday...

Dear Nicky,

The heat and humidity came back today with a vengeance. Mom's away as part of her birthday adventures so it's just me with you guys. It was really too hot to go outside today, so we just hung out. You guys didn't nap at all in the afternoon, which meant at the end of the day you both went insane. You and Junie seem to be having more and more laughs together and you seem also to be in a race to see who will walk first. I can't wait for either one of you to walk.

Love,
Dad

Busy Thursday...

Dear Nicky,

It was a busy day, and I'm gonna owe you a post.

Love,
Dad

I work cleanup...

Dear Nicky,

Today I went to Stones solo because I had volunteered to help with cleanup after a luncheon to show appreciation for the volunteers that help out there. It was disorganized, but I made myself useful as best as I could. There were a lot of people, more than necessary, so we got done fast. I went to the mall afterward to get a couple more things for Mom. Granny watched you guys while I was out. I came home just in time for you guys to have an insane stereo meltdown. So, thanks.

Love,
Dad

Good day at Stones...

Dear Nicky,

They said you were "unbelievable." In a good way.

Love,
Dad

Can't explain...

Dear Nicky,

I don't know why but I'm about to pass out.

Love,


Dad

Lame function...

Dear Nicky,

So today was a fundraising type of function for Stones. All four of us went, but only after I finished a bunch of lawn work, which I secretly enjoy, so don't tell Mom. I dug up some thatch, then mowed, then trimmed. Then I applied weed and feed and insecticide and watered the whole lawn. Then I sprayed ironite on all the shrubs and trees, which should make them healthy and green. Anyway we got to this dump of a banquet hall in a dump of a town. There were no ramps or elevators so it was basically inaccessible to strollers. We went in, then had to go all the way back to the Honda to put the stroller back and carry you heavy beasts in by hand. The turnout was pathetic and the food was nothing to write home about, but you ate a big chicken finger and grooved to some tunes. I was glad when we left. We went to the mall after. Mom got a pair of shoes. I got a vanilla faux coffee drink. It was too sweet. Then we came home. Mom took care of you guys while I lowered Junie's crib. Man, it took a long time and was hard work. I don't know why they insist on using hex screws on some furniture. It was a pain in the butt.

Love,
Dad

Can barely...

Dear Nicky,

I'm really wiped out today. I will get back to you tomorrow.

Love,

You kids...

Dear Nicky,

So Mom's in the city tonight for work. She's been gone all day. You guys were total non-sleeping handfuls. But you ate a nice lunch pretty well. We ran some errands together, but boy, you guys tired me oout.

Love,
Dad