Apologies...

Dear Nicky,

Forgive me, again, but I've stayed up too late and now I'm too tired to think.

Love,
Dad

Nice Thursday...

Dear Nicky,

Today was another Stepping Stones day. Traffic wasn't too terrible, but it was still sluggish around Newark. I don't know what's with these people who get into accidents. There really are no such things as accidents; it's just carelessness. You did well in PT and OT, then you took about five ounces before we came home. Once home you wanted some more to drink before your scheduled time. Later, your own OT came by, and you worked really well with her, and then you ate some more. Mom came home and she brought me some food, but she had to leave to go to parent-teacher night at Stepping Stones, which she said was long and boring. But one nice thing about it was your OTs came running up to her to tell her how great they thought you are. Just another couple of new members of your fan club!

Love,
Dad

No flu shot...

Dear Nicky,

You were supposed to get a flu shot today, but it turns out they won't give it till you're exactly six months old, so we have to go back on Monday. What can you do? As if you don't have enough to deal with, you have fluid in your ears. You're more at risk for ear problems than a typical kid, so we must be vigilant about checking your ears and hearing. If the condition persists we'll have to put some tubes in your ears, which will facilitate drainage and improve your hearing. They say it's a fairly common practice and many kids get it done. That doesn't mean we have to like it.

Love,
Dad

Just beat...

Dear Nicky,

I'm sorry, son, but I'm just too tired to say anything besides how much I love and admire you.

Love,
Dad

Teething, continued

Dear Nicky,

Sorry, pal, but we're going to be brief again tonight. We really think you're teething and that makes you quite uncomfortable on a lot of levels, from tummy to eating to palate work. It makes you cry and whine a lot, both of which are exhausting on the nervous system. Earlier, you cried for twenty minutes, no meltdowns, though, just a persistent nasal and throat effect. When I finally picked you up you were drenched with sweat. It's tough, I know, and if I could bear your burden, gladly would I do it. But unfortunately, that's not meant to be, my beloved son. All Mom and I can do is just our best.

Love,
Dad

Not superhuman...

Dear Nicky,

I know you think I'm superhuman--superhumanly strong, smart, kind, and patient--and while I might be those things most the time, I get worn out same as the next guy. We think you're teething, which has contributed enormously to your infrequent yet disturbing bouts of fussiness, and that takes a big load off our chests. But the stress of constant worrying has worn me out a little, so tonight I must again be brief and say good night now, while I can still keep my eyes open. Good night, my boy!

Love,
Dad

You're easy...

Dear Nicky,

Mom went on little trip to meet some old friends this morning, and it was just us two boys all day. Your day started with some floor work, nothing too much. Then you got your second breakfast and fell asleep an hour later, on me, for the next two hours. You ate your cereal well at noon, but dawdled on the followup bottle. Later I gave you a bath in the sink. It's awkward work bathing a baby; I don't care what anyone says. I bumped your head on the cupboard as I was moving you around. I felt really terrible about it. It was a small bump, no brain damage. After your bath I took a quick shower, then we went for a stroll in the nice afternoon. You napped in the sun for a bit, and I took pictures of you with my new cell phone, which also takes pictures. We came back up and you had some more formula, then we read and did some more floor work, then you had some more formula and were ready for bed, which is where you now find yourself. The day went by fast, and it was trouble free. Good night, my boy!

Love,
Dad

Goin' solo...

Dear Nicky,

Well, your eyes are okay, but you have some fluid in your ears, so we're worried about that. Tomorrow, it's just you and me, because Mom's going out of town. I hate to be brief but I'm just wiped out.

Love,
Dad

Pleasant breeze...

Dear Nicky,

It's a lovely evening outside, and there's a gentle breeze blowing into your room. I hope you like it. I hope you're comfortable. It's hard to know. We have some more doctors' appointments tomorrow. Sorry. We went out on Route 280 to get to Stepping Stones today. We were cruising along, then got stuck in traffic yet again. I'm sorry about what we put you through, pal. I'm sorry we push you so much or not enough. Basically, I'm sorry.

Love,
Dad

Sunny, sunny boy...

Dear Nicky,

You were still tired today from your workout yesterday, so we took it a little easier on you. It was so nice out this morning we went and sat in the sun for an hour and half or so. You got plenty of sunlight to make vitamin D. The fresh air and sunshine must've really agreed with you; your appetite was right on track all day. You didn't care to be on your stomach too much, but we didn't push you. The maids came, unpredictably, as usual, and we had to go on the lam. We took a drive out on 280 to see if it was any quicker to Stepping Stones that way. It took about half an hour, coming back it was about 45 minutes. Giving you your afternoon bottle I discovered just how ticklish you are. You gave up some really heartfelt giggles, which of course made me go a little misty-eyed. Your laughter is like the best kind of drug.

Love,
Dad

Another nice workout...

Dear Nicky,

It's a good thing Shelby is on vacation this week, because this means that you get a bit of rest tomorrow, not much of one, however, since I'll still be tormenting you. I don't mean to torment you, my boy, but Mom and I feel that it's quite the necessary evil in order to help you grow up stronger and better prepared to deal with the obstacles you might have to face. Lonnie, your PT, made up for a missed visit by working you without a break for over ninety minutes. You deserve immense praise for your patience and agreeable nature, also for your accomplishment. I know you can't like all these workouts, Nick, but they're supposed to helpWith minimal help, you rolled, sat, grabbed, leaned, pushed, and stood. It was a very good workout, and considering you had Stepping Stones this morning, you're plenty tired, I'm sure, which is why I think tomorrow we'll go for a drive someplace in the afternoon. How would you like that?

Love,
Dad

A Monday...

Dear Nicky,

Today I made an effort to eat a little healthier than I have been for a while. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, followed by an apple and a banana. For lunch I had a pan-fried steak with some carrots and tomato, and a chocolate bar with some peanut butter (this last combo is one of my greatest weaknesses). Then for dinner I made us some guacamole to start, and then we had some chicken nuggets. I freely admit that I had some more chocolate and peanut butter. But I also had a couple more apples afterward. I also drank a lot of water today, had no sodas, took a multivitamin, a baby aspirin, and my Lipitor. Not bad, right? Lately, I've been eating pretty badly--if at all. Now I'm going to try slowly work my way back into being healthy again. That'd be nice. You napped somewhat decently this afternoon, but you still had a meltdown. You're not eating as voraciously as in the past, but then again you are eating nice quantities of rice cereal, so more power to you!

Love,
Dad

Teething...

Dear Nicky,

Mom took you out to Granny's today. You came back a little tired looking and fussy. Your eating efficiency is a little off lately, and we suspect it is due to teething. I myself have a toothache that I fear may be a cavity, and that worries me. Other than that, everything's fine, except that I'm tired still.

Love,
Dad

My brave boy...

Dear Nicky,

We went out to look at a house today. It was overpriced, and it was too close to high-tension wires, and inside it smelled like dirty feet, even though the owners tried really hard to cover the smell by lighting lots of candles and using those plug-in scent releasers. We didn't like it. I'm calling this post "My brave boy..." because I admire your courage and your agreeable nature. We put you through a number of trials on a daily basis, I'm afraid. But each time you always impress us with something, whether it's a new physical milestone, like rolling to the left or lifting your chest up, or just a sweet smile you shoot us, even though we're working you out at that moment. You really are an admirable little fellow, and I'm always very proud of you, my dear son.

Love,
Dad

Popular kid...

Dear Nicky,

A bunch of people came over tonight, mostly to see you. It's nice having people over, mostly because Mom thinks she likes it, but it can be a little tiring if you've been on the go, awake, and on alert all day long--you know, like a parent. You were extremely active and cheery and good-natured and hard working today. I'm proud of you, but not because of what you did or how you behaved. Nope, I'm just proud of you because you're my son.

Love,
Dad

Nice day...

Dear Nicky,

We went back to Steeping Stones this morning. You were your usual impressive self. It took a long time to go out there, again due to traffic, but not as bad as before. The OT was really impressed with you especially. She made you sit in a box of pasta shells, uncooked. This is supposed to stimulate you. Afterward, I fed you in the car and it's good that I did because there was more traffic on the way home, this time to due flooding. You ate your cereal really well, but only took half of your midday meal. Your new OT came over this afternoon and thought you did really great with your sitting and reaching. Another milestone you reached today was lifting your chest straight up off the floor with arms extended. You did this a number of times. You donned those annoying hip huggers again because we're hoping that might help you roll over again, which is something you haven't done since before we went to New Hampshire. Also, your tongue seemed much more sedate today, and that's one of the many things that made today a nice day.

Love,
Dad

Tongue...

Dear Nicky,

I worry about your tongue protruding too much. I worry that I'm not doing enough for it, or that maybe I'm doing too much. It'd be really nice if you would sort of take the initiative and just keep your tongue nice and inside your mouth. You extend it way too much, and sometimes it just hangs out. If we don't correct it, this will be one more obstacle for you in the future, and I don't want that for you, my boy. I'm worried, frustrated, and afraid, quite frankly.

Love,
Dad

Traffic...

Dear Nicky,

We were late this morning for our first day at Stepping Stones thanks to traffic. A 35-minute drive took us over an hour and a half today. The delay ensured that we missed the first half of your therapy, which is PT. We arrived in time for speech only to spend that time answering questions for the therapist there. Then when it was over, we left to come home. We spent more time in traffic that we did in therapy. When we got back, you had some more tummy time, some Bumbo time, then some rice cereal and formula. I wanted to see if you would sit up for a feeding, so I put you in the Bumbo to see, but you couldn't eat like that yet, so we sat you in the bouncy seat. You eat clumsily but enthusiastically, and I'd say at least of the food ends up on your face and shirtfront. It makes you look cute.

Love,
Dad

Back to the mines...

Dear Nicky,

You're hoarse today, and it breaks my heart to hear your croaking little cries. I don't know what it's from--a virus, the doctors have told us in the past. You don't have a fever and your disposition is very sunny, so I guess we're not too worried (yeah, right!). Tomorrow we return to Stepping Stones. Your days of lazing about, taking advantage of your poor old dad are over. I'm just kidding, of course, my boy. It's an earlier session, which is a real drag, especially now that fall and winter are coming, but it's good because it helps you, and that's all that matters. I wonder if it's going to be the same kids as before, or if there'll be some new people. I know you'll still be number one. In my book, you always have been and you always will be.

Love,
Dad

The duality of man...

Dear Nicky,

Since the introduction of solids and what we believe to be the imminent arrival of a tooth or two, your eating has been a little off, and that's completely normal and natural. Also completely normal and natural is Mom's and my occasional reaction of frustration. See, our anxiety needles have been in the red for over six months now, and every so often we get a little short. It's not like we yell or hit, but we do get tense. I wish we never did, but then we wouldn't be normal, either. It's just human nature to get upset; you can't control it. There's going to be any number of things in the world that can upset you, and it's nothing to worry about. The important thing is how you deal with being upset. I guess the best way to deal with being upset or being angry is to let the wave of emotion wash over you and then roll off you, like water off a duck's back. Some not so good ways to deal with anger are to keep it bottled inside or pretend you don't feel it or judge yourself for feeling it. Don't torment yourself over your thoughts and feelings. It does not make you a bad person when you think or feel anything but sunshine and rainbows.

Love,
Dad

Halo, with tiny little horns...

Dear Nicky,

You must be teething or something, little pal, because for the past few days something's seemed to bother you during feeding. Maybe you're uncomfortable--I know I would be, getting manhandled all the time, but I don't think it's from being manhandled. You stick your hands in your mouth to chew, suck, and pull with your fingers. Mom and I both think this is a precursor to teeth coming out, which is great, except for the fact you wail like a lost soul when you're not comfortable. I apologized last night for being so brief because I was so tired, and I'm afraid I have to do it again. Good night, my little guy.

Love,
Dad

Sweet sighs...

Dear Nicky,

Sometimes when you sleep you make the nicest little noises. I must brief because I'm about to collapse from lack of sleep.

Love,
Dad

Granny helps out...

Dear Nicky,

I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon, so Granny came in around noon to watch you while I was out. I went to have my blood checked because I'm taking medication to lower my cholesterol, and that could cause complications if it's not monitored. There was a delay in drawing my blood because they were kind of backed up over there, but the phlebotomist did a good job, and I barely felt a thing. Afterward, I went and got a couple CDs, which I still haven't had a chance to listen to. Then I came back and got a "dip" sandwich at Quiznos. A "dip" sandwich is like any other sandwich except you dip it in some goo called "jus," which is French for "meat juice," but no self-respecting Frenchman, or anyone else with an appreciation for food, would really call it that. But, I got to admit, it ain't half bad. When I came home you were sound asleep on Granny, much the same way I left you. Then Granny left and I had you all to myself again. We went for a walk after your feeding and came back to find Mom already home. She surprised us by coming home early. We fed you some pureed pears, then formula, and you were out like a light.

Love,
Dad

Waste of time...

Dear Nicky,

Today we went to have your hearing checked. We tried to have it checked, anyway. It turned out you simply weren't in the mood, and despite my mo0st earnest if clumsy efforts at calming you down, you'd none of it. The audiologist stuck an earpiece in your ear, and you'd start to wiggle, whine, or cry. We tried a bunch of times with no luck. You just weren't putting up with it. She couldn't even get a look inside your ear because of your fussing. She was pretty patient with us, although the situation was certainly frustrating. So now what we have to do, instead of this nice, brief screening we were supposed to do today, is go back in two weeks for this deluxe super exam that want to run. Oh, and of course you fell asleep the moment we left. Thanks a lot, pal. You could have fallen asleep at anytime today; thanks for making it happen at a most inconvenient one. All this is probably for naught, since I doubt there's anything wrong with your hearing.

Love,
Dad

Back on our routine...

Dear Nicky,

We understand each other again. We work out, nap, and eat, and then we work out, nap, and eat. That's okay by me. I love the reliability of our little routines together. It sure makes the time go by. And it's also very reassuring for two nervous cats like Mom and me, who are constantly worrying about one thing or another. Today, though, you were very reassuring. You ate well, slept well, and played well. We know the trip to New Hampshire and the subsequent delay in returning home later simply threw you off your schedule. Hey, it happens to me all the time. I'm very much a creature of habit myself. I like it when it's just us guys having some laughs. I look out for you, and believe it or not, I feel like you look out for me somehow, like you're some sort of magic presence or good luck charm.

Love,
Dad

Day of Labor...

Dear Nicky,

Today was your first Labor Day. We didn't do anything special, I'm afraid. Mom took you out for a while in the afternoon. I'm still beat from the trip to and from New Hampshire, the one where I did all the driving. We worry constantly if we're feeding you enough or too much, your sleeping habits are not so good, and that coupled with all our other anxieties made today somewhat tense and tiring. I'm sorry if this note is not so cheery. We're not mad or anything, just tired and scared. You're still the greatest and we think you're doing fine overall.

Love,
Dad

No place like home...

Dear Nicky,

We're back home at last! After a few days of visiting Yaya and Papou, we left New Hampshire around noon today and were back in Jersey at six o'clock. We hit no traffic and we made excellent time thanks to my confident, capable driving. Mom really wanted to see your aunt Sarah, so instead of coming straight home, we went out to Bedminster to Granny's house. Once again, your old Dad had to make a sacrifice. It made Mom happy, and everyone gushed over you, as usual. I had a hamburger and a couple of slices of pie. Mom had some soup or something. You had your formula. We think you're teething these past couple weeks, so we hope that's what's put you off your game when it comes to feeding. You also went to the bathroom really well. We were worried that you were bound up, but you most definitely showed us the contrary. We finally got home at almost nine, and we put you straight to bed. In a few minutes I think I'm going to try to get some more food into you, since you're an entire bottle shy today. Like we need something further to worry about, my beloved little boy.

Love,
Dad

Some festival...

Dear Nicky,

Well, today we went to the Greek festival my parents dragged us to. I didn't want to go, but it meant a lot to them, and what I did is called "making a sacrifice." It's when you do something you don't want to do for the sake of someone else. Of course everybody who saw you went nuts over you, and that makes Mom and me very proud. Also proud were Yaya and Papou, who quite rightly wanted to show you off. So I was glad we went for their sakes. Personally, though, I thought it was too loud and hot. I can't stand noise. Heat is okay, under certain circumstances, but not when it's crowded and noisy. I think you found it stimulating, but tiresome after a while. You started to sweat and fuss, and so did I, so we left and brought you back here and fed you, and then I went back to collect Yaya and Papou, who had a nice time all told. Yaya was busting a move on the dance floor when I went to get them, as a matter of fact. Tomorrow we go back home and back to the safety of our routine in familiar surrounding. I don't know about you, but I can't wait.

Love,
Dad

Festival tomorrow...

Dear Nicky,

Yaya and Papou are so crazy about you they want to take us all to the Greek festival tommorow. I've been to these things before and think they're a boring waste of money, but they want to show you off with great eagerness. Mom wants to go, too, so I'm outvoted, unless I throw a hissy fit or something, but I don't want to spend that political capital right now, so I guess we'll be going. I think it's going to be pretty crowded in the car, what with Mom and me in the front, and Yaya, Papou, and you in the back. It's that car seat of yours, you see. It takes up quite a bit of room, but what can you do? That is the historic question I've soften wondered myself when dealing with my parents: what can you do? Hope you like bouzouki music.

Love,
Dad

Hey, welcome to the Granite State...

Dear Nicky,

Welcome to my hometown: Dover, New Hampshire. I was born here in a hospital actually not too far away from where we are now, which is Comfort Inn hotel. We arrived early this evening and immediately went to see Yaya and Papou, who were delighted to see you at last. Papou was just crazy about you, as was Yaya, but she was nervous a little bit about holding you because, well, she's Yaya, and believe me she's been nervous about everything as long as I've known her. She means very well and is a very generous person. We sort of ate and ran a little, because it was hot in their house and you were tired and Mom and I were pretty beat as well. So now we're in our nice temperature-controlled hotel room and you're sound asleep and so is Mom, and the only one awake is me, because I frankly really enjoy having a few minutes to myself. Tomorrow I don't know what our plans are, but I'm sure they'll be interesting, and possibly frustrating as far as I'm concerned. You've got nothing to worry about; they can't wait to show you off.

Love,
Dad