Happy Birthday...!

Dear Nicky,

One year ago today you came to us. A year ago this evening I held you in my arms for the first time ever. You were thirteen days late. When I held you after the docs cleaned you up, your eyes were wide open and looked right into mine. "He's so beautiful!" I said to Mom, who was so doped up due to the emergency Cesarean, she could barely keep her eyes open. We didn't know what to expect when we first saw you, but you were, and continue to be, amazing. They had you bundled up into a tight little package, just like the little gift that you are. It's impossible to believe a year has passed. We've all been through so much, so many fears, and tears, and surprisingly, a lot of laughs.

This morning my folks called to wish you a happy birthday. They also sent a sweet card and some clothes as presents. Whenever my father wishes us well, he does this whole litany of good wishes, that go on and on and on. I feel like saying we get the point already, Dad, but he means so well I don't want to hurt his feelings. Your Aunt Za and Uncle Den sent you a nice toy too. Later, you had some Yobaby shake from a straw, which Mom had never seen before. She was quite impressed. Then we went out to Granny's house, where she had gone to a lot of effort to set the place up for your birthday. Aunt Duchess and Boots was there, then your cousin Tara, Grandpop, and even Uncle Jon. You got lots more presents, and attention, and affection. I took lots of photos and some videos. The most amazing thing is how well behaved and personable and alert you were the whole time, especially because you didn't have hardly any naptime at all today. After the cake, you did crash pretty quick and it was time for us to go. You've been asleep since. My boy had a big first birthday. Mom and I adore you so much, and we're grateful and proud to have you as our son.

Love,
Dad

Countdown...

Dear Nicky,

The countdown has begun. Do you know what tomorrow is?

Love,
Dad

A-OK down there...

Dear Nicky,

So, it being Wednesday it was a Shelby speech day. She seemed a little irritated with some other client, which isn't really like her, but she worked great with you, and you impressed her by drinking most effectively from a straw. You drank peach Yobaby yogurt shake. Then we went for a walk, then you ate lunch nicely, even though your teeth are bothering you and making your nose run. After that we drove up to Englewood to see Doc Slushie, who checked you out down below and was very happy. On the way home we drove through White Castle and got a bunch of burgers. They're pretty irresistible. I ate a bunch as we drove home. Then, home, a bottle, some play, a big dinner, some music, then sleep. Simple, nice, no drama.

Love,
Dad

Dental discomfort...

Dear Nicky,

Mom and I just had to dose you with a quarter teaspoon of Tylenol with codeine because you were having a meltdown from the pain of teething. You were screaming like a cat, poor kid. Comforting and cuddling you worked a little, then we tried to see if you were hungry. Forget that. You would have thought we were trying to put a red-hot poker in your mouth. Anyway, you're out like a light now, and I hope you make it through the night in peace. I'm too tenderhearted sometimes. Seeing you in pain causes me anguish. Speaking of anguish, traffic on 280 was so ridiculously bad, we had to turn around and come home, so no Stepping Stones. It took us an hour to reach the bridge in Newark, where the traffic was at standstill. Had we continued on, we would have arrived at SS just at the end of PT, which then would changed over to speech, which is mostly feeding. So I made an executive decision and turned us around when I could. Luckily, Tim in the afternoon more than made up for any PT you might have missed this morning. That guy puts you through your paces!

Love,
Dad

Oh, the pain...

Dear Nicky,

We thought you had another tooth coming, but it turns out it's two more coming, nicely balanced, too, one on each side of your upper molar table. That's great, but unfortunately, it's making you pretty miserable. I might have to break out the Tylenol with codeine Doc Shlushie gave us way back when he fixed your little sack. Last night you woke up screaming around midnight, then this morning you woke around 4:30, fell back asleep, then woke around five, at which point I came in and held you while you slept another hour and a half on me. I don't mind; you're the sweetest. I just hate that you're uncomfortable. Just like last time, your appetite's gone out the window. Also, I don't know if you've got another cold, or your sinuses are infected. Last week was great, your nose was nice and dry, your breathing easy. Last night, pow, just like before, snot snot snot. Maybe it's teething related; they say it sometimes is. Right now you're taking a nap. The construction across the way doesn't bother you in the slightest, but then you've always been lucky.

Love,
Dad

Teething sucks...

Dear Nicky,

I've never seen you as uncomfortable as I have with this whole teething business. Your cheeks are flushed, your nose is running. Sheesh, what a pain. A little while ago, you woke up from a sound sleep crying in pain. I thought you might have wanted a bottle, but no. I gave you a quick squirt of Tylenol, some of which actually might have gotten into your mouth as you writhed and screamed. Also, you'd think I was trying to murder you when I try to wipe away some of those massive snots of yours. Try to relax about that, would ya? You seem okay now.

Mom took you out to Granny's today, leaving me home to chill. She means well, but somehow I get the feeling that if you're particularly difficult during her watch, I'm somehow to blame, or somehow derelict in my duties by enjoying a few brief hours doing nothing. So because you were apparently fractious today, Mom came home tired and cranky. No big deal, she soon snapped out of it, and every time she spends some time alone with you, I get more love and props for making it look so easy. I guess I'm just a great daddy, but you make it easy, too, because you're such a great little boy.


Love,
Dad

Quantum leaps...

Dear Nicky,

A couple weeks ago, you could hardly inch forward on your belly to get anywhere. Since that time, you have really started to commando crawl like crazy and are probably only a couple weeks away from full on crawling. It's fantastic to really see such clearcut, indisputable progress. We have Tim the PT to thank for that, and me to a certain extent, and of course there's the magic wand device with its light and indecipherable music that we call Skin Skin Skin. You react to that thing without a moment's hesitation. Your response is literally instantaneous. The effort you put out is enormous and amazing. We think you're making great strides in propelling yourself forward physically, as you propel us through life.

Love,
Dad

Eye see trouble...

Dear Nicky,

Well, we went to see Dr. Mori the pediatric ophthalmologist for your one-year check up today. She seemed pretty certain that you'll be needing glasses very soon. Lately, your eyes have been crossing a little, infrequently but pretty definitely, and it may be due to muscle tone, but more likely, according to Doc Mori, it's because one eye is stronger than the other. Turns out all babies are somewhat farsighted. Eventually, this condition is supposed to resolve itself. Yours hasn't yet, and Doc Mori doesn't think it will. She could tell we'd really prefer you not have to deal with glasses so early, so she's fine letting it go another couple months to see if anything improves, but she does want to see you again soon. Apparently the sooner these sort of things are addressed, the better. I'm sorry, pal. I hate the idea of glasses on you, but what can we do? We're thinking of going to another doc for a second examination. We'll just have to, pardon the expression, wait and see.

Love,
Dad

Last of the Synagis...!

Dear Nicky,

Hoorah! You got your last Synagis shot today. RSV season's over after this, and next year you probably won't need it. We hope. You weighed in at a whopping 22-9, but we can deduct a few ounces because you had just eaten, but still that's fantastic. Speaking of fantastic, you were fantastic today at SS. You were pivoting, commando crawling, kneeling, and standing all brilliantly. All the PTs were impressed. You also did excellently in OT, although Maria does tend to worry us, I feel, a little unnecessarily, especially about when your arms and hands assume your "excited" posture. Both Tim your EI PT and Doc Mock have said it's a typical developmental thing, nothing to be alarmed about. So anyway, you're out cold right now, after a long day of hard work. After Kristine came over today, you pounded your ounces and went right to sleep. Whether you sleep straight through is anyone's guess, however. As for yesterday, Shelby came in the morning and you drank beautifully from a straw for her. You're not completely comfortable with it but you are getting better. In the afternoon Edna came and watched you while I ran around doing stuff. She's just crazy about you. Maybe someday I can do something else when Edna shows up besides go to Target.

Love,
Dad

Edna and Shelby...

Dear Nicky,

You had lots of female admirers today, but I'm afraid I'll have to tell it to you tomorrow since I'm really tired and need to go to bed.

Love,
Dad

You and Mom...

Dear Nicky,

This morning Mom gave me a break and took you out to SS herself. I kind of missed going, but I'll admit it was nice to be able to take a shower, a shave, and brush my teeth, instead of having to choose one or the other. Also, I didn't miss the drive, but apparently Mom hardly hit any traffic, as opposed to the two of us, who hit all three major delays. Anyway, you apparently did very well, both in PT and speech, and Mom had a nice hands-on time. When you guys came back, you had a nice lunch, with vitamins and fish oil. I should also mention you're keeping the fish oil down a lot better these days. Then a nice nap, and then Tim was here, and worked you out great. He really seems to know his stuff, is always very positive, and genuinely likes you a lot. I like him a lot because of these things.

Love,
Dad

Sleepy doo...

Dear Nicky,

Here's an early post for you. Shelby came over and played with you as part of your DI. You hadn't napped this morning, so as soon as she left, you had a few sips and went to sleep. You're still asleep even now, which has been going on for almost an hour and a half, which I think is great because so often you're overscheduled and constantly on the go somewhere. How can you get any rest? Proper rest is key for growth and development. That's true for everyone, not just babies. See, that's partly why I'm writing now instead of at night, to see about maybe going to sleep super early tonight. Unfortunately, I won't be able to give you the scoop on today's events, but I think it'll be a quiet day anyway. We don't have to go anywhere for a change today. We'll just eat, chill, and nap. Sounds good to me!

Love,
Dad

Granny's birthday...

Dear Nicky,

This morning you had an early lunch because we left to go to Granny's house. Today was her birthday and and Grandpop was taking us all out for Indian food. We gave you a bath, then Uncle Matt showed up, and then the four of us drove out there, then drove to the Indian restaurant, where the food was pretty good and you behaved beautifully. Service was buffet style, which means sometimes people ahead of you get all the good stuff, and let me tell you something else, don't get in line in back of Grandpop. He is one slow guy when it comes to choosing. The food didn't blow me away, but a free meal always tastes good. We gave you eight ounces right there. We drove by the neighborhood where Mom grew up, only to find her family's old house torn down. You had a nice dinner when you came home, plus a yogurt, plus some more formula. Mom was playing with you and accidentally bit your hand just slightly and you cried, but I calmed you down, and now you're sleeping.

Love,
Dad

It's hard to know what to do...

Dear Nicky,

Doctors give conflicting advice. Therapists give conflicting advice. Experts are experts about nothing. All we can do is collect as much data from as many different places and hope we can process it the best we can ourselves. It's pretty scary. Are we waiting too long, are we doing something too soon? You've been under the knife twice already, and you're not even a year old. I don't know about this ENT. He seems knowledgeable and capable; he did get a huge wad of wax out of your ears yesterday, but maybe he's not as aggressive as he should be, or as we would like. Maybe we should ask Dr. Solo, who's been your friend before you were even born. He steered us to Dr. Q and Doc Shlushie, and they were both great.

In other news, today you for the first time that I've seen raised your arms to me in an unmistakable pick me up gesture. We think you're also getting closer and closer to crawling. Also, I haven't seen any strabismus in a couple days, and that panting you used to do constantly when you were younger is gone. Mom and I were talking about it the other day, how we'd completely forgotten about it. This afternoon I went and got some prints made of everyday stuff familiar to you as part of Shelby's suggestion for DI. There was a strong wind chill, so you stayed in today. Maybe tomorrow will be better and we can try this new lightweight umbrella stroller we got at--where else--Target. It's nothing fancy, but it should be good. We'll see. We'll see about a lot of things.

Love,
Dad

More hearing tests...

Dear Nicky,

This morning Tim came over for a makeup session. The timing was perfect, as you had just woken up from a nap. Tim worked you hard and you participated as best as you could, and uncomplainingly. You are really a strong spirited kid to put up with this constant bombardment of therapy. After Tim left, you quickly pounded some ounces then we got in the car and headed for the ENT for your hearing exam. You didn't do terrible, but apparently you've got fluid in your ears, which makes it hard for you to discern where sound is coming from. Also, fluid keeps your eardrums from vibrating properly, so the doc removed a great wad of gunk from deep inside your ears where we can't get at it. He said come back in a couple months. If the fluid persists, then it's time to consider tubes. Apparently, it's a very simple procedure, very beneficial, with very little downside. Up for another time under the gas, old pal? Gosh, kid what next, right?

Love,
Dad

Yet another approach...

Dear Nicky,

Today we met with Christine, a specialist with oral motor skills after our regular time at Stepping Stones. She had a number of suggestions for getting you to be a better eater. It was nice of Jessica to set this up for us, and I hope we didn't make a bad impression. Her take on your tongue and feeding issues is that it's not the tongue that's the problem but your jaw strength and coordination. So we've got one more thing to work on now. Isn't that great? Much of the time Mom and I feel you're doing perfectly fine on your own and you'll get there at your own pace. Other times we're scared to death, frankly, and I hope that's not rubbing off on you, my little boy.

Love,
Dad

Windy Wednesday...

Dear Nicky,

It was very windy out all day. The temperature itself was pretty cool, not too bad, but the wind was powerful and the wind chill knocked off another ten degrees, so I'm afraid we went nowhere. Shelby came over this morning, and you didn't do so well. That's okay, we're throwing a lot of stuff at you all at once. You'll get it eventually. Then you had a large second breakfast and too a long nap. I took one too and didn't hear Edna knock when she came, so the poor girl waited in our hallway for I don't know how long. Then she watched you for a bit while I went out. She's very affectionate and plays with you a lot. I went to Target for some baby stuff, then the Pavonia mall. They have a Macy's there now, which ain't half bad. I went to the food court and had myself an Arby's, which was kinda gross. Then I came home, then Mom came home with sandwiches, then she left to go the Candlelighters, then we fed you, Edna left, and I got you ready for bed and put you down and you were out in about 30 seconds. And that was another exciting day!

Love,
Dad

Ears and toe...

Dear Nicky,

This morning on our way out to Stepping Stones, we hit all three delays: the one by the covered roadway on Route 139, the delay over the bridge in Newark on 280, and the incomprehensible one that's always at the bottom of the hill around exit 7, also on 280. Still, we made it on time, thanks to my excellent driving skills. You did very well in PT, pivoting like crazy and putting the other kids to shame. Also, they slid you down the incline and for the first time it didn't freak you out. In the past we've called that incline Heartbreak Hill, but today you did well. In speech you did fine too, although not much ever really goes on in there, but the therapist is very sweet and she said she'd be calling Shelby tonight to touch base. Afterward, we went to Doc Mock's, because I wanted to make sure you had no ear infection, which thank goodness you do not. On the drive out, you managed to kick off a sock and rip a hangnail off your big toe, which did some bleeding. The very nice Dr. Visi checked you out and also fixed that ragged toenail for you too. You're congestion is getting slowly better, but she said if it's not noticeably improved, we may have to put you on antibiotics, which would suck but it's better than having perennial congestion and snottiness. We also did a weight check: 22 pounds! Later at home, Tim came over and worked you out but good. You try so hard and are so tolerant...you're just the best!

Love,
Dad

Fog and straws...

Dear Nicky,

It was so foggy out this morning you couldn't see a thing. After Shelby came you took a two-hour morning nap. I should have slept while you did, but I couldn't. I'm really beat now, though. With your lunch today I gave you some formula with a straw. You did really well with it. You're really getting the hang of it! Later we took a nice walk. I think the fresh, humid air softened up your dry sinuses. You were so active all day that you wanted to go to sleep right after dinner. Your breathing sounds quiet and comfortable right now. Tomorrow we go to Doc Mock's after Stepping Stones, just to check you out. I worry too much, I know; I can't help it.

Love,
Dad

An early night...

Dear Nicky,

Well, sporto, you were certainly quite active today, so I guess you tired yourself out pretty good. You went down at about six, which is not your earliest, but you haven't gone to sleep this early in a while. You're still fighting a cold, I guess. (I hope it's a cold.)

It looks like you might start crawling soon. You've mastered pivoting. You're so good at it, it's more like rapid scrambling. Whenever something catches your interest, you reach for it and squirm and corkscrew your way forward. Your little butt goes into the air, so achieving four point position on your own can't be too far behind.

We were a little worried that you didn't get enough to eat, but about an hour after you retired you made your usual smacking sounds in your sleep, so I got six ounces into you, changed you, put you in your sleepsack and dumped you off for the night. Don't get up too early!

Love,
Dad

Long, long day...

Dear Nicky,

This morning we left to drop you off at Granny's so she could watch you while Mom and I went to have our (prospective) new house examined by a building inspector. He was very thorough and I liked him a lot. He reminded me of Gil Grissom from CSI.

Anyway, we drive an hour west to Granny's, then backtrack a half hour east again, hang around for three hours almost while this guy made a really thorough inspection, then drive another half hour west back to Granny's where we have a bite to eat, then drive an hour east to come home. We barely had anything to eat all day. I think Granny managed to get some food in you, but I doubt it was much

The house itself is really pretty nice. There's some minor stuff that we'd like the owner to address, but nothing major, although maybe we can get him to knock off a few bucks more. I'll tell you one thing, it'll be nice to be out in the burbs. There's a nice backyard, and maybe we can get a dog. We think you like animals. Granny has a cat named Nigel, which you apparently patted gently all the while we were gone. We'll probably take him when we move into this new house. When we were leaving Granny's you took some sips from a cup again. Good progress!

Love,
Dad

Let's try this again...

Dear Nicky,

Sorry about last night's post being so short. I was just so tired I couldn't even type. But I wanted to tell you how wonderful you were at SS yesterday.

Well, first off, that commute yesterday morning was one of the worst ever. It took an hour and 15 minutes to go 20.3 miles. We just barely made it there in time. You did really well in your PT, with your sitting and especially your pivoting. You were pivoting all over, and fast too.

In OT you were winding down, and when they sat you and your buddy on either sides of a TV tray and your pal started glomming all the toys, you grabbed the table and flipped it over as if to say, "Here, take 'em all."

Later with Kristine your OT that comes here, you were a little slow to start, but you warmed up toward the end, and you did and amazing job, pivoting fast to find that Skinskinskin musical toy, which made her laugh with delight for you.

Today I went into the city, then when I came back, there went you and Mom, strolling right along. I caught up and then we went to lunch. You ate very well all day and now you're asleep.

Love,
Dad

Wonder boy...

Dear Nicky,

You were very good today. That's all I can say because I'm so tired tonight.

Love,
Dad

Little star...

Dear Nicky,

This morning Shelby worked on you and you did really well. When you receive oral motor stimulation from a therapist, your tongue and mouth behave in exactly the way they're supposed to. But you're showing now interest in self-feeding or even chewing really, and that worries us. After a nice big lunch, Edna came over and watched you for a few hours while I ran some errands. You really seem to like her and she really seems to like you. It's very sweet. I went to--where else--Target, and got some stuff we needed, but I forgot to get an umbrella stroller, you know, the ones they put bigger kids in. I'll get it next time. It was a very nice day out, and Edna took you out for quite a while, so you got plenty of fresh air. I've hardly seen any boogers today, so maybe you're in the clear. I might still take you to Doc Mock's office for a weight check and an ear check after SS tomorrow.

Love,
Dad

Picture day...!

Dear Nicky,

This morning we dressed you up in a nice blue big-boy shirt that was also a onesie, and also some khaki pants because today was picture day at Stepping Stones. After rushing around the house this morning, trying to get ready, we finally hit the road a few minutes after eight. Traffic by the Holland Tunnel was its usual horrendous self, but fortunately there were two cops there to make things worse. Once we got past that and onto 280, we, surprisingly, flew through Newark, which is usually a standstill. Anyway we got there time. We did a little PT, and then it was picture time. We went upstairs, waited our turn, and got what I think were some pretty good shots. The photographer, who I had some reservations about, turned out to be a real pro and really knew how to get kids to smile. Afterwards we went to speech therapy, which I must admit, is pretty lame. Five minutes of oral stimulation and then we feed you. Then we came home and hung out. For lunch I gave these you these flakes, which are supposed to help the transition from pureed solids to more substantial solids. You liked them okay, but gulped them down whole without much, if any, chewing. Just another thing to work on together, pal.

Love,
Dad

Just another Monday...

Dear Nicky,

Not much went on today. Shelby came over. We had just finished giving you a bath a half hour earlier, so you were ready for a nap, but you had to stay up for your DI, which you did reasonably well. Mom and you and Shelby worked while I took a shower. I think the two hens clucked more than they worked until I showed up. When she left you were hungry and sleepy, so you pounded a quick bottle then took a nap for about an hour. You woke up stuffy so I had to use the syringe on you, which you hate, but which works amazingly. You've still got a lot of snot going on, and that worries me a little. I'm worried that because of the duration of this period of snottiness -- close to ten days give or take -- it's not a cold but a sinus infection. I hate that idea! You're not running a fever, so that's good. Later we read some on the bed. You grabbed this paperback out of my hands and rolled onto your back and held it open like you were reading it. It was really sweet. Mom came home nice and early. We put you in that motorized swing seat for the first time in a long time. It was a gift from Tammy. You loved it! You laughed and pounded the little food tray in excitement. Then I shoveled some more food into you and you were asleep by seven. Man, I hope it's not a sinus infection!

Love,
Dad

Oscar Sunday...

Dear Nicky,

I watched the Academy Awards this evening after you went to sleep. It was kind of a waste of time. I hadn't seen a single one of the movies. Oh well...

Today you seemed very happy and spirited, eager to laugh , which is always great, plus you ate really well, which is also great. We're working on learning to drink from a straw. It's pretty slow going to be honest, but I think you'll get the hang of it.

Not much else to report, pretty quiet today, but the weather's supposed to be nicer this week so maybe we can get out some more without having to wrap up like a couple of Eskimos.

Love,
Dad

Contracts...

Dear Nicky,

This afternoon we met Dena and signed some contracts to buy a house. It's a nice house in a nice town, and I hope it all works out for us to buy it and that we live many happy years there.

Yesterday Mom took you out to Granny's to see Aunt Sarah and your Cousin Noah. Aunt Sarah gave you a very nice haircut. She's quite good at it. Your cousin is very sweet. He's totally bald except for a fine peach fuzz all over his scalp. He's not as cute as you, of course. Your aunt says he ways 13 pounds but I'd swear not. He was mighty sweet though. I came out later because I had a doctor's appointment. It was good to see everybody, but we stayed too long and we were all tired when we got home. I could barely keep my eyes open last night.

It seems like you're just about completely over your cold. Some snottiness this morning, but not much, and almost nothing over the course of the day. Your appetite is going full blast again as well, so I think we dodged the sinus infection we were worried about. I sure hope so, also no ear infections so far, knock wood.

Love,
Dad

Too tired, buddy...

Dear Nicky,

Sorry, pal, I cant keep my eyes open. I'll talk to you tommorow.

Love,
Dad

Today's report...

Dear Nicky,

Nothing much to report today. You woke up hungry at around two this morning and refused to go back to sleep, so we're all pretty tired. Your snot emission seems to have decreased, but you're running a low-grade fever off and on most of the day (99 or 100, rectally verified). I don't like fevers, they scare me. But you're eating well and in good spirits, so I guess you're not that bad off.

Actually, I forgot to mention that today you successfully drank from a straw. We've been working on this, but today you actually succeeded a number of times. Edna came this afternoon and kept an eye on you for a while. I went to Target and got more Choxies, among other things. You seemed very happy to see her. She even got you to eat and drink well. Good for you!

Love,
Dad