Sunny again...

Dear Nicky,

The weather today was so much better than yesterday. It put you in a better mood. Which puts me in a better mood. I was tossing you this afternoon and you did a bunch of regular, grownup lagughs. They just melted my heart. Kathleen and Shelbi were both here today. Kathleen was doing her six month evaluation review for your Early Untervention. All day you ate well. We went for a walk. You ate some more, then prompltly fell asleep. When I woke you to feed, you took your bottle well. You then refused to go back to sleep for the next nearly three hours. Finally you did and that's where this book makes its point. It's all about sleep. Get as much as often you can.

Love,
Dad

Squawk...!

Dear Nicky,

Last night I went to sleep too early and I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep. Consequently I was a little tired today. You did great at Stepping Stones, as usual, but the thing about being there is that you sleep on the way out, have a bottle afterward, then sleep on the way back, and all this sort of messes up your schedule. Also, you got to be having some teeth coming out soon because you were especially fussy today. I wish you'd nap more, but that's probably my fault, since I must not be making things as conducive for you to sleep as possible. I don't know, pal. Bear with me; I'm just blundering through this life trying to do the best I can for the greatest little boy I've ever known.

Love,
Dad

Hooray for your thyroid...

Dear Nicky,

Many phone calls today. Upfront: the test results for your thyroid test came back normal, and that's a big relief. That PT we wanted is going to be available to us. And you don't have any history of reaction to anesthesia. You've got something going on under your incision which we're not crazy about, but hopefully that won't be anything significant. I wish your napping schedule were a little more regular, but as long as your thyroid's okay, well, that's a big load off my mind.

Love,
Dad

Almost did it again...

Dear Nicky,

Well, I procrastinated some more today, I guess. I made an effort to write this letter around noon, but just couldn't do it. There's not much going on, I'm afraid. Mom took you out to Granny's on Friday; I think I told you that. Not much happened yesterday, I don't think. And today was more of the same. We went for a walk along the water, and that's always nice. Oh, I forgot: Mom made this delicious pasta with ham and olives last night. We named it pasta greco. It was really tasty. I had some for lunch today. I wolfed it down and then got knocked into a carb coma and had to take a little nap--or at least I tried to take a nap. Tonight she made spinach with rice and some bratwurst. Also delicious. You're eating like a machine, by the way, and you're also doing well in all other things too: physical, speech, interaction. Your tongue protrusion still worries me a little. Also, I'm a little worried about your thyroid. We had it tested last week and because of the Thanksgiving holiday the results haven't come in yet. I hope we get some good news. In other news, I finished retouching this nice photo of the three of us that Mom wants to use as a Christmas card. Aunt Erin took it at Granny's and we all look great. You had no tongue protrusion! That's about it for now. Tomorrow you get a bath.

Love,
Dad

Same old excuse...

Dear Nicky,

I waited too long again today, pal, and though it is a cliche, I can't keep my eyes open. I promise to write more tomorrow.

Love,
Dad

My little joy pill...

Dear Nicky,

Whenever I think about you I get happy. The future can be uncertain and frightening, quite frankly, but when I think about something you've done, or some new noise you've made, or even a particular way you smiled at me one time, I just can't help but feel happy. Sometimes parents get into fights and one or both might not even know the reason why. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and as far as I was concerned, it wasn't that great. There was no food all day, and then when it came it wasn't that great, either. Then we had to watch some DVD about some guy who "found God." When we got home last night, Mom was so tired she just went straight to bed. Today, she took you back out to your grandparents and did who knows what. I just hung out around the house. I finished a book I was reading. Now we'll have to find something else to read together. I was very happy to see you when Mom brought you back. You must've been very active because you were hungry and tired. I gave you some chow and you went right to sleep. I adore you.

Love,
Dad

Chillpill

Dear Nicky,

I'm out of it right now, sorry.

Love,

Late, late...

Dear Nicky,

It's late. I wanted to get some more ounces into you this evening and tried to feed you around ten or so. Well, you were hungry so you took your ounces fine, but then you were awake for the next two hours. Earlier today I went to the Target in North Bergen. On the way home I drove through some depressing, depressing neighborhoods. Doing so just helps me to remember to be grateful for what I've got, which is you and Mom, my little family. You're always a delight to come home to.

Love,
Dad

Cold...?

Dear Nicky,

I need to go to sleep so I'll be brief. It's cold in your room, you sound a little restless, so I'm going to turn up the heat a touch.

Love,
Dad

Brief briefing...

Dear Nicky,

Not much going on today. It was cold and dreary outside, so we just hung out. As usual, you ate well. The secret to getting formula and solids in you is that formula must come first, then solids. We'd been doing it the other way 'round for a while. You seem to be doing well, and you rolled over a few times completely by yourself. All these good signs are a balm to my heart.

Love,
Dad

Sunday evening in November...

Dear Nicky,

Pardon me for the brevity of my last couple notes, my boy. Sometimes I just get so tired I can't keep my eyes open. I don't know why that should be. I'm actually going to bed earlier than I used to. It's all due to the surgery I think. Somehow it messed up my internal clock. Or maybe not, who knows? Anyway, to catch you up really quick: On Friday we took you all the way out to Livingston out past Stepping Stones to the St. Barnabas ambulatory medical center to have some blood drawn. See, we want to do a thyroid test and needed some blood, and since the last time we were at this place they did such a spectacular job finding your veins, we thought we'd walk right in and they'd do the same thing over again. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. They stuck you twice in an attempt to find a vein with no luck but much pain to you. It breaks our hearts to see you cry in pain. They couldn't find a vein so they wanted to call it quits, but Mom insisted that we weren't going to make you go through this torture again, so they did a heel stick and got some blood from there. I hope it was enough for testing. You were so brave, it did our hearts proud. On Saturday not much went on, though you are doing better on exercising and sitting and rolling, and Sunday was pretty much the same as Saturday, except we went out for a nice long walk this afternoon. I hope you weren't too cold; I worry excessively and obsessively about things like that, I'm afraid.

Love,
Dad

More excuses...

Dear Nicky,

Sorry, my boy, I'm just about falling asleep at the computer. Forgive me, I'll write another time.

Love, Dad

Oops, again...

Dear Nicky,

I'm sorry again, but I don't have a clear thought in my head.

Love,
Dad

Back into the swing of things...

Dear Nicky,

You did very well with PT and OT this morning at Stepping Stones. You work hard and are bright and engaging. Last week was sort of getting you used to it again after almost a month without therapy. At home I tried to get your ready to go for a little stroll, but I'm afraid that it was so hard to get you into your winter jacket that I had to quit because you were sweating too much. Sorry about that, pal. I figured we'd go for a walk, but it took so long to put on that jacket that I figured we'd have to turn right around and come back the minute we got outside. This was because your EI OT, Kristine, was due to come soon, which she did, right on time, and she worked you out and put you in a saucer type thing that we moved around. She thought you did great. You are quite remarkable, little fellow. I hope we can get you into some winter jackets soon. It's cold outside!

Love,
Dad

Happy birthday...to me...!

Dear Nicky,

Today was my birthday. It would have been pretty dull, but I got to spend the day with the world's greatest birthday present--you! Mom was so sweet to me this morning. She gave me a nice card and a new digital camera, and when she came home she made me a fillet mignon dinner that was delicious. Shelby came over this morning and man, did you turn on the charm for her. You were very cooperative and sunny. She was raving about you at the end. You took a nice nap after she left, almost two hours, mostly on me. That was great too. The weather was mild but overcast and windy all day. It's supposed to get colder tonight or tomorrow. I hope it's not raining in the morning, because it just makes drivers on 280 even stupider than they are already!

Love,
Dad

Mundane Tuesday...

Dear Nicky,

It was rainy and blah out today. On the drive out to Stepping Stones, the rain aggravated the traffic condition on 280 and delayed us about ten minutes or so, but we still got there with plenty of time. People around here just cannot drive in the rain. I don't know what's in their heads. They can't all be from desert lands where there is now rain. I guess they think their cars can't slip or skid in the rain or something. Anyway, you did well at Stepping Stones with your PT, and you tolerated a lot of oral work from your ST. Afterward we got some gas and came home. I added some vitamins to your cereal this afternoon. They have fluoride in them, which doctors recommend, and which alternative medicine types revile but for the life of them can't tell you why. Later we just hung out. I got some food delivered. You didn't nap all day. Finally at six you conked out and woke up around 11:30. Around then I gave you some more formula, changed your diaper, and redressed your abscess. It looks pretty good, I think. One less thing, right, old boy?

Love,
Dad

Nice evaluations...

Dear Nicky,

Granny watched you this evening while Mom and I drove out to Stepping Stones for the parent/teacher conference. We met with all your therapists, and they were all nuts about you. For the most part, they had nothing but stellar things to say about you. You seem to be the apple of everybody's eye, buddy. The main thing we all want to work on is correcting your tongue protrusion. That tongue of yours keeps me up at night. But we'll fix it, don't worry. Guess what. Tomorrow we go back to Stepping Stones for some more fun!

Love,
Dad

Just a brief hello...

Dear Nicky,

Today was an okay day, but I've got to be a good boy too and go to sleep right now.

Love,
Dad

Late-night snack...

Dear Nicky,

It's late and I just gave you five ounces of formula. You woke up while I was in here typing and started making your hungry noises. Kid, you never met a bottle you didn't like, did ya? I don't think so. Now, I hope you'll go to sleep soon, because I'll be doing the same. Earlier today Mom got us a new mattress and box spring, so I look forward to checking it out. Except that tonight for the first time in almost a month I have insomnia. Ironic, isn't it? Apart from the new bed, the only thing going on is the introduction of prunes into your diet, which, like everything else, you seem to love. That little abscess on your scar is looking nice today, and that's a relief. Tomorrow, Mom might take you out to see Granny. I say have fun!

Love,
Dad

Traveling man...

Dear Nicky,

This morning, you and I left early to go gas up the car and head into the city to see Roselle from Dr. Q's office at Columbia because we wanted her to take a look at an abscess on your scar. This abscess looks like a pimple or an ingrown hair, and it's right at the top of your incision. It looked its worse yesterday. It was red and looked like it had some pus in it. When we went to see Roselle it was looking better. But she told us it way better to look at these and take care of them early rather than later. Anyway, she swabbed the pimple with alcohol, then pricked it with a needle. You barely made a peep. A drop or two of dark-looking blog came out, but not much. Then she put some antibacterial gel on there and sent us off. She was very nice, but you could tell she was really busy. Oh, Mom didn't put your diaper on tight enough this morning, so when we got to the hospital, it had leaked all over your suit and jacket. I changed you, but it was hard when you were squirming and I was trying to change you, keep you from falling, and trying to prevent you from touching anything. When we were finished with Roselle I bundled you up in a fleece blanket, since your jacket was wet. On the elevator a lady said you had beautiful eyes. You slept very peacefully in the car on the way home. I left you alone with Mom for a few hours yesterday as I went to get a lube-oil-filter, then went to Target to get some stuff. I left a bag behind and had to go back for it. So I've been driving around most of the day. I missed you when you weren't in your usual backseat.

Love,
Dad

Back to the docs...

Dear Nicky,

You were a little fussy today. You refused to nap for more than a few minutes in the morning and by noon you were hysterical with tiredness. You slept some more, but not much. Then you ate some more, and your OT Kristine came over. You didn't want much to do with her, so you ate, hollered, and went to sleep. Poor girl hasn't seen you in a month and this is how you welcome her? After she left you slept some more, then ate a little, then went to sleep for the night. Tomorrow we go see Roselle, who can fix that red spot on top of your wound. She said it was a stitch abscess. They happen, but she says it's nothing to worry about. We hope to get it fixed and then have you be done with doc for a little while.

Love,
Dad

Jiminy cricket...!

Dear Nicky,

Sorry about yesterday's post being so short. Lately, I've been running out of steam in the not too early evening and I'm practically falling out of my chair from sleepiness. Tonight I'm hopped up on Diet Coke so I'm pretty good to go right now. Anyway, yesterday was your first time back to Stepping Stones. It was like the Return of the King! Everybody was so happy to see you. They all raved about how good you looked and how nice your color was. Your PT Ruth said you did excellent, especially considering it was your first day back after an absence of a month. Your ST Jessica was most impressed with your feeding skills, the way you latched on to a bottle and wouldn't let go. Your OT Maria, who we don't even see on Tuesdays, stopped by to go on and on about you. She seemed so happy and proud for you. I think everyone there likes you, but I think she's especially nuts for you because you have such an engaging manner. That was yesterday. Today Shelby came over and she was just crazy for you too. You have quite the little fan club of pretty girls. After flirting a little bit, you took some more formula and then went to sleep for a good long while. When you woke up you ate again and then we went to Doc Mock's office for your monthly Synagis shot. Doc Troussin checked you out and said you looked great. The nurse weighed you and found you to be--get this--17 pound, seven ounces. I couldn't believe it. I asked her to do it twice. It was right. This means you have gained nearly a pound since just five days ago, when we went for our flu shots last Friday. At that time you measured a sad, little 16 pounds, eight ounces. Holy moley! By Friday, one week exactly since flu shot day, I bet you will have gained a full pound if not more. It took a while to get the shot ready, but I didn't mind. We left on cloud nine and came home still elated. Seems like your ticker is working pretty nice, my boy!

Love,
Dad

I can't understand it...

Dear Nicky,

Since we brought you back from the hospital, I can't stay awake. I'll fill you in on stuff tomorrow.

Love,
Dad

Tomorrow is Stepping Stones...

Dear Nicky,

Tomorrow we go back to Stepping Stones. That's all I can say right now.

Love,
Dad

More than you know...

Dear Nicky,

Mom and I love you more than you'll know. We're just nuts about you. Everything you do tickles us down to our toes. That's about all I really have to say before I sum up the past couple days. Well, today I slept till about eight. I got up around 5:45 to see if Mom needed any help with you. She didn't so I went back to bed. See, Mom goes to bed super early and is able to get up super early. I'm more nighttime oriented, and have a hard time getting up in the morning. So anyway, I slept till eight, which was restorative, and is apparently giving me enough juice to write you more than a couple words tonight before nodding off with exhaustion. Mom said you started this day off right, with a great big dump. Good for you! It's very good to hear that you did that without the aid of suppositories or anything. You had some prune and apple juice the other day. Maybe that helped. Also, Mom gave you some tummy time, something you've not received a lot of during this recuperative period after your surgery. Then, Mom took you out to Granny's this afternoon. When you came back I fed you a whole thing of sweet potatoes, which you really love. Yesterday was Saturday and nothing much happened. Mom had to read a lot, so you and I hung out, mostly. The day before was Friday, and I think I mentioned that we both got our flu shots. My reaction was way worse than yours, it felt like. It gave me aches and chills like you wouldn't believe. But it'll be worth it if we don't get the flu this year. I've never had a flu shot in my life, did I mention that? I hope I don't get it; more importantly I hope you don't get it. Let's see...and on Thursday we went to Dr. Solo; I think I told you about that. Okay, I think we're caught up. No major plans for tomorrow except that I think we'll start to work our way back into all our various therapies. No more goldbricking for either of us!

Love,
Dad

Tiresome technology...

Dear Nicky,

Last night I'm pretty sure I detailed our adventures from yesterday with our shots, but there's no record of it now. Hmm. I don't know if I messed it up because I was so tired, or if the system got messed, which is quite likely since it's happened before. Anyway, today was an uneventful day. You're cute and doing well. I wish we had total assurance on a few things, but apart from that, we're all good. This is another time I can't keep my eyes open.

Love,
Dad

Okay news...

Dear Nicky,

Today, Dr. Solo checked you out. He seemed pretty satisfied, but he never commits full-on to everything being A-OK. He appeared to be in a good mood today, and we think he found you quite charming as you smiled at him and grabbed his stethoscope. You were very well behaved when he gave you an echo, as well. We're feeling pretty good overall. We'll see what the future holds. Whatever it is we'll meet it together. As for tomorrow, I regret to inform you you're getting another shot, this time as a followup flu shot. Don't worry too much about the shot; I'm getting one, too. We're in it together.

Love,
Dad

Scary...

Dear Nicky,

Earlier this afternoon, you woke up whiny from a nap. This is typical for you, and you usually stop after some cooing and hugging. This time, however, you wouldn't stop. I went to change you and realized you were morbidly constipated. It was terrible to watch you struggle so hard. You broke out into a soaking sweat from the effort. You wailed and strained so hard, your bottom half turned blue. I helped and comforted you as best as I could, but mostly it was up to you. Eventually you achieved a measure of relief, but you were exhausted afterward. So was I. I was thinking of calling an ambulance! Tomorrow we go to Paramus to see Dr. Solo, who's going to check you out. You are now two weeks post-op and everything seems to be going very well (apart from today's little incident). I'm hoping we'll get some good news. It'd really nice if we did, if some doctor somewhere said here's one less thing to worry about. Let's hope so.

Love,
Dad

Gosh, just gosh...

Dear Nicky,

Okay, so yesterday I was too tired to write anything, and I think the same goes for Sunday night. I've been getting up early lately, and going to sleep kind of late, not to mention sleeping poorly when I'm in bed, so I'm frequently crazy-tired, so please bear with me. Anyway, on Sunday I went to Atlantic City, where I had a lot of fun and won a lot of money, which I ended up losing back to the casino. I ended up breaking exactly even. It was the longest I think I've been away from you. It made me realize that a little time apart from even the people you love most in the world is a good thing once in a while. When I was away, Mom had you all to herself for the entire day. This was good for her too; it was a pleasant little confidence booster. She raved and raved about you when I got home. How sunny you were, how well behaved, all that stuff. Granny came over and visited, then Grandpop and Uncle John came over. They were all still here when I got back, and they were all raving about you. Your Aunt Erin is pregnant again, as is your cousin Tara. So is your Aunt Sarah, but you knew that already, I think. Oh, and Mom is pregnant again, too. You should have a little brother or sister by the end of June next year. I'm hoping it's a boy. Because, if he's a boy like his big brother, then he'll be just great, just like you, my one and only firstborn Nick. And, oh yeah, Monday and today were very nice in terms of the weather. We went out for a nice walk on both days after lunch. Man, I gotta tell ya, you can pound that cereal. I put a quarter cup of cereal and a serving of pears and some formula in a bowl and I look at it and say, "No way Nick can eat all that!" But he does, Nick does it, because Nick is full of surprises.

Love,
Dad