Another rollover...

Dear Nicky,

Impressive. Most impressive. This morning during some sidelying action, you tipped over on your belly and pinned your right arm. I thought you might pull it out from under you, but instead you heaved yourself onto your back. From completely prone on your stomach to on your back, with no help from me. And then I put you back on your side, you tipped over forward again, pinned your arm again, and flipped onto your back again. All this before your second breakfast, with no nudging from me, and without your magic pants. Later this afternoon, I did put your magic pants on you. I tried to encourage you to turn over, not really expecting it because you did it already three times in two days. Just before it was time to take off your magic pants (you only wear them about twenty minutes a day, bam! you did it again. You lie there for a while, mustering your forces I guess, then lift up like a cobra and lunge to the side, and presto! you're on your back. Simply amazing. Also today, you made some good sucking noises, like kisses, and seemed to want mimic me while I was blowing raspberries. And Mom came back from Reno tonight, and boy was she happy to see you. She was so happy she cried. I treasure my little family. What strong, brave souls you and your mother are.

Love,
Dad

Crown of fire...

Dear Nicky,

This afternoon, your grandparents from Mom's side came for a visit and after a little while, we went for a walk. We did the route you and I usually do: down the promenade and around the pier. The pier gets a nice breeze off the river most days and it's quite pleasant, but the increasing number of derelicts is detracting from its enjoyability. But I digress. After our circuit, your grandparents left, and we walked back up the promenade to sit on a bench for a while (I sat; you reclined in your stroller). As you slept, the breeze tousled your hair. The sun was setting and it colored everything with a soft orange glow. Earlier today, I gave you a bath, which in addition to making you clean and good-smelling, also makes your hair very soft and flowing. The breeze lifted your hair up into all directions out from your head, and the sun lit it up like a torch, and I kept staring at you because it looked like there was a flaming halo around your head, like when you remove a coal from a fireplace and you see soft, gentle flames pirouetting around. It was rather stunning, in hindsight. While I was impressed seeing it, it didn't sink in until later, when you were doing some tummy time. You were on your mat, not doing much, while I was shaking a rattle by your head encouraging you to lift it up. You were wearing those tight little stretchy knickers that keep your hips in. They don't look like much, but they're good. Seeing you lying there made me kind of sad because I was worried that you might have plateaued developmentally. Then, like you read my mind, and without any help from me, you rolled over. You lifted your head up like a cobra and heaved yourself over onto your back. It was amazing and delightful. I called Mom and she was so happy. And later I would think about you rolling over and I'd remember that moment on the park bench, when the wind and the sun gave you a crown of flames, and think what a marvelous fellow you are.

Love,
Dad

Tired, but in a good way...

Dear Nicky,

Taking care of you is a bit of work, but you're just such a sweet, adorable kid that you really make the time go by quickly. Your OT (occupational therapist) Lauren came over this morning after a long absence. She was late, but she stayed plenty long and worked you quite well. We let her use our fax machine. She did upset our timetable a little bit, and this meant you got two ounces more than your usual thirty over the course of the day. We went out for a couple of walks, in the morning, then in the afternoon. You got some nice tummy time and did some nice holding, both with Lauren your OT this morning, and me this afternoon. Tomorrow you're getting a bath, and Granny might come to visit.

Love,
Dad

Flying solo...

Dear Nicky,

Mom had to leave very early this morning to get to the airport to fly to Reno for the big Romance Writers convention she attends every year. This means she woke up even earlier, which woke me up, which means I'm extra tired today. But you're so good, and that makes it easier. Which is important because she won't be back till Sunday. So far with Stepping Stones we've been lucky in terms of traffic. It's okay going out there and coming back. In fact we were back in Hoboken in about half an hour after we left. I didn't have anything to eat all morning, which made me sleepy. But the funny thing is, even though I always make sure to go the bathroom before we leave for SS, and I don't have anything to drink there, I always have to take a whiz like a madman halfway home. You slept for about two hours after lunch, on your tummy, and under my constant supervision, and it was a nice, deep sleep I could tell. Overnight, we always put you on your back, but I don't think there's any doubt babies sleep better on their stomachs.

Love,
Dad

One in a million...

Dear Nicky,

Today we went to the Judy Center, a medical facility devoted to the study of kids with T21, and their associated developmental and health requirements. We met with this doctor who thought you were just great. And not just great, but he said things like he bet few people could ever tell you had T21 just by looking at you, and he also said--get this--in his thirty-five years of practice, he has never seen a kid with an A/V canal defect look as good as you. He and the nurse who assisted were very impressed with you, and with Mom and me I might add, for taking such good care of you. Well, of course we're going to take care you; we're crazy about you. We spent a good long time there, and they looked you over thoroughly. We also received a lot of information about state agencies and the like that might be able to help us with whatever, should we need them on down the road. All in all, we were very glad we went. It made Mom and me feel really good to hear that you are doing well. In other news, when we came home, the maids were just starting to clean the house, so we went to a restaurant downstairs. I had a burger, Mom had a turkey club, you had some formula. It was extremely hot out today, so we didn't spend much time outside. Tomorrow is supposed to be better.

Love,
Dad

Ah, the healing power of you...

Dear Nicky,

My sleep was troubled last night, and my mood was dark. Although I woke up way too early this morning, seeing your amazingly bright little face is like taking a day-long tonic, and it fills me with energy and happiness. Thanks to your impressing your PT my mood is much improved. Sometimes dads need a boost, too. Tomorrow we're all three going to the Judy Center, a specialized medical facility at the University of Hackensack for dealing with kids with Trisomy 21. Before that, though, I'm going to try and get the car oiled, lubed, and filtered. I hope it doesn't take too long. It's hard around here to find a decent garage, but what can you do, that's the price you pay for urban living, I suppose.

Love,
Dad

Rollin' around...

Dear Nicky,

You got lots of tummy time today. You're almost rolling over, I think. I read to you some more and gave you lots of oral work. My little guy, I wish we could just let you relax and be a regular kid, but I'm afraid we have to work you hard so that you'll grow and develop. I'll be honest with you, Nick. I'm afraid for the future. I emphasize that you have given us no cause to be afraid, for you are bright, smart, and attentive. I'm just worried that this overall development will not continue, and will plateau around age two or something like that. I'm not saying any of this to bring you down or upset or blame you for anything. It's just that I am terrified at the thought of you having to deal with any more obstacles than you have to.

Love,
Dad

Not pinned...

Dear Nicky,

I was helping your roll around and do some side-lying today, when you rolled forward onto your face and belly, and pinned one arm beneath yourself. You didn't stay pinned, however. You pulled your little arm free all by yourself. It was great to see. I applauded. I hope you're getting the right amount of therapy, Nick, not too little and not too much, and I really hope it helps you and doesn't tire you out. I hope you always make good progress, and that life is good for you.

Love,
Dad

It's okay to be pooped...

Dear Nicky,

This is going to be another short post, because I'm really tired and can barely type. In fact, I'm sort of typing on autopilot right now. Everybody needs rest.

Love,
Dad

Friday...

Dear Nicky,

It's Friday night. You're asleep in your crib. Sometimes your nose whistles. I'm always worried that the temperature in this room is not just right, that you're too hot or too cold. It's been really hot out these past few days, but we went out this morning to the park where a lovely breeze was blowing off the water. We also saw a rat skitter across our path. I read some to you, from Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. Despite myself, I'm getting into it, and of course you're a fan of the spoken word anyway, so you seem to like it, too. You're still not napping very well during the day, but you do make up for it at night. Maybe tomorrow we can all go for a walk together.

Love,
Dad

Something else, pal...?

Dear Nicky,

If this is Thursday, this was a Stepping Stones day. We got out there just fine; there was no traffic headed that way. We were early even. There's this mother there who is weirdly competitive. That doesn't bother us, though; we know who's number one. Afterward, we went to Doc Mock's office. You have this little blister looking thing on your tongue. It's been there since last week and it hasn't gone away, so we wanted to get it looked at. It turns out to not be a blister. It's not a virus or bacteria, so no thrush or Tay-Sachs or Cox-Sachie or whatever. It's something called geographic tongue, where some areas of the tongue surface are "denuded" of their papillae, and other area experience an overgrowth. It's weird but harmless and usually goes away by itself. There's no treatment for it. The doctor (not Doc Mock) said it happens to kids sometimes because they're growing so fast. It's not too common, but it's not unheard of. Hey, pal, ease up on making all the genetic longshots, okay? Give me some numbers for the lottery or something along the lines of that type of longshot instead.

Love,
Dad

Belly sleepin'...

Dear Nicky,

Shelby, your speech pathologist, came over this morning to work you over. She's good with kids. You were pretty patient for the most part, but you started to fade toward the end. That's okay, though. You're not even four months old yet, and you're doing great, by the way. After your midday meal, I gave you some tummy time, which you did really on, I might add, and then you fell asleep, on the floor, on your belly, for over two hours. It was wondrous to behold. I could feel the rest and rejuvenation you were getting. I myself got no rest, however, since I kept my eye on you the whole time, what with this terror of stomach-sleeping our medical culture instills in us. Later you woke up in a most excellent mood. I think you're learning how to put yourself to sleep in your crib more easily, too. You're crying less and less when we put you down for a nap, although today you were zonked on the floor. It's been really hot and muggy the last couple of days, so we haven't gone out much. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Love,
Dad

Long day...

Dear Nicky,

Sorry, Nick, but I must be brief and say that I can't keep my eyes open another minute.

Love,
Dad

Big crib...

Dear Nicky,

I'm sitting right next to your crib with you in it, right now. Tonight's the first night we're putting you in there, and I'm going to sleep on the floor just to be nearby. You're an excellent nighttime sleeper, so I don't anticipate any problems. And you're getting to be a better daytime sleeper, too. We're letting you cry more when you wake up unintentionally from your naps. Everybody says it's for your own good. It's still tough to do. Anyway, you've outgrown your bassinet, so it's the crib for you from now on. You outgrew your bassinet so fast, I'm sure you'll do the same for this crib, though hopefully not too fast. We just bought it not too long ago, and we wouldn't want you growing at a weirdly fast rate, like some kind of baby Jethro Bodine!

Love,
Dad

Tough love for napping...

Dear Nicky,

Sorry if we tired you out a lot today. We're trying to teach you how to put yourself to sleep so that you can take some naps during the day, and, well, it involves a lot of crying. See, Doc Mock and other experts say that babies should take around two two-hour naps during the day. It's good for your body and brain to rest, regenerate, and grow. But because we're constantly stimulating you, it's harder for you to go to sleep by yourself. Till now we've been holding, walking, or rocking you to sleep in our arms, and you do go to sleep like that, but it's not restful, for you wake up cranky and crying. So starting today, we're trying to develop a routine to act as a sort of a signal to you to get into sleep mode. It's going to take a while, apparently. When we put you into your bassinet for a couple naps today, you had some real nasty crying fits. At least they seemed nasty to us. While loud and disquieting to us, in reality they didn't last more than five or ten minutes, and then you were asleep. If this works and eventually you can take a few hours' worth of continuous sleep during the day, think how much rest we'll all get. So play along, okay?

Love,
Dad

Absense, and my heart...

Dear Nicky,

When you cry and fuss, it can be very tiring and frustrating, and quite honestly, the idea of getting a break from that sounds pretty good. But the reality is that I miss you more than I enjoy the break. Isn't that funny? I'd rather be with you even when you're running me ragged than be apart from you. It's true. Exhausting, but true. Earlier Mom took you out to Bedminster where your grandparents (on Mom's side) live, for a birthday to-do for your Uncle Matt. I didn't because, frankly, I just wanted to stay home and not deal with people for a little bit. You and Mom went and apparently you were quite a handful because Mom was pretty tired when she got back with you. And that was just a few hours. I deal with it all week long, but I'm more used to it, I guess. You are a handful, that's for sure--a big, sweet handful of wonderful baby boy!

Love,
Dad

Big kid...

Dear Nicky,

Do you know you weigh over thirteen pounds now? My goodness! Well, your growth has really been outstanding. Keep it up. Doc Mock called you magnificent today when he looked you over. He gave us some tips on getting you to nap. We tried another of his suggestions this evening when we put you to bed and it worked just fine. Soon we'll move you to your crib, because you've just about outgrown your bassinet, but not just yet, seeing as how we're introducing new Jedi sleep tricks into the mix. We don't want to throw too much stuff at you all at once.

Love,
Dad

The first day at Stepping Stones...

Dear Nicky,

All three of us went over to Stepping Stones in Livingston today. We made real good time. You were quite comfortable in the car, but when we brought you inside, we had to wait for a while for the earlier class to finish up, and apparently it got really hot for you because when we took you out you were very sweaty. I hate the idea of you ever being really uncomfortable temperaturewise. Anyway, the enrollment has swelled so much that they had an extra session added for us and a few other kids. The woman that runs this place really runs a tight ship. All the people there seem really nice, and more important, knowledgeable. The session only lasts an hour, and only 20 minutes are spent with each therapists, and it takes about an hour to get out there and an hour to get back. We really, really hope it benefits you, but frankly, my boy, we look at you sometimes and think you don't even need it.

Love,
Dad

First day at Stepping Stones tomorrow...

Dear Nicky,

Tomorrow morning we're all going to Stepping Stones, where you'll begin your therapy with them. I know you'll do well and impress everyone there. Nick, Mom and I are your number one fans. We're crazy about you, literally head over heels about you. We still marvel at the depths of our feelings for you, and those feelings grow deeper every day. Today your speech pathologist came to work with you. She says you look great and that we're doing a great job with you. That first part is definitely true; you do look great. An expecting couple and their mother (in law) stopped as we sat outside today and told me how cute you are. The second part...well, we're trying our best with you; we just hope that's good enough. It's all really due to you how great you are. We might polish you up a little, but you're the diamond, our little jewel, our treasure.

Love,
Dad

Stubborn little stiff-neck...

Dear Nicky,

You're quite strong. During feeding, if I try to burp you when you're still in the "I'm eating" mindset you adopt, you'll hurl yourself backward with your legs and back muscles so hard that I weren't holding on to you, you'd fly three feet into the air. I mean, you really try to launch yourself into space. It's an indication of frustration, I guess, or maybe impatience or even anger. Or when I try to get a cloth under your chin to keep milk from getting all over you, you'll press your chin down onto your chest so hard, I can't anything under there. It's interesting behavior, although I don't understand why it's there. Likewise, I can't understand why such an obviously strong baby like you, with the neck and back strength you're displaying on tummy time, chooses to let his head loll and his trunk to collapse, when you're seated upright. But what I do hope is that these truly are some choices you're making for some baby-logic reason, and not the result of something genetic. On a more mundane note, we went to the park today, where you napped in the nice breeze for a while. Your PT came over and worked you out pretty good. You always smile at him a lot. Mom came home early, which was great. I got some major smiles out of you today, with some jumping and playtime stuff. That made my day.

Love,
Dad

Monday blahs...

Dear Nicky,

Not much went on today, I'm afraid. It was too hot to go outside for our usual noontime walk, but we did walk Mom to the subway this morning, then we got the mail, and went for an early-morning walk. It was nice. You conked right out, as usual. You seem to be starting to sleep more during the day. Most of the time, though, you wake up in your bassinet with a cry that goes on until I pick you up and throw you over my shoulder, at which point you stop almost instantly and go back to sleep. That's kind of a pain, but you make up for it by being so cute and sunnily disposed.

Love,
Dad

A quiet Sunday...

Dear Nicky,

Not much went on today. We got back from the shore yesterday. As we were getting ready to leave, I got sick to my stomach. It must've been all that deep-fried Italian food I had the night before. Man, it hit me hard. I was weak and nauseous all day. That's why I didn't write much last night. But I'm better today. We just hung out for the most part. Mom took you out for a walk, just the two of you. My feet hurt so I decided not to go since I'll be taking you out during the week. You're getting to be a big boy, so we'll have to move you to your crib soon. Your growth has been so smooth that sometimes we can't tell if you're growing or not, but when we see that you're almost filling up the entire bassinet, we're very happy; clearly you're growing a lot. We're going to increase your feeding by two ounces a day. One when you first get up, and one when you go to sleep. You're now in the 32-ounce per day club. Congratulations.

Love,
Dad

Back at home...

Dear Nicky,

We're back at home. After a lot of traveling today, you seemed a bit off your game when it came time to go to sleep. I was quite sick this morning, so you'll pardon me now if I say goodnight.

Love,
Dad

Goodbye, beach...

Dear Nicky,

Tomorrow we pack up and go home. I'm looking forward to it, actually. I know the sea air has done you good, though, and that makes me happy. Sometimes the beach is hard work for me, however, because you have to put on all this sunscreen, tote a bunch of stuff a good distance, and then plop yourself down and deal with the wind or the heat. I've got a cut on the big two of my left foot; it's been hard pressed to heal with the constant abrasion of sand against it. Your Granny and Aunt Sarah came down today. Your aunt thought you looked about fifty percent bigger than the last time she saw you, which was close to three months ago. Your Aunt Erin has been down here this whole week, and she's been adoring you. I'll be happy to be in my own home, with my own cutlery and my wi-fi. Kid, once you've had broadband it really is a pain to go to something less. Just a little FYI.

Love,
Dad

Stomach bothering you...?

Dear Nicky,

You were pretty great for the most part today, but sometimes you holler a lot. Mom and I are trying to figure it out. Sometimes we think it's gas pain, other times we think it's hunger. We can't quite tell. We might get some of those anti-gas drops they have for babies and put a drop in your formula. But I'm reluctant to give you any sort of medicine on a regular basis. Honestly, you've seemed a little bit out of sorts this whole trip. Not that I blame you, of course; I've been out of sorts this whole trip, too. Sometimes vacations are more tiring than staying home and doing your regular work routine.

Love,
Dad

Lobster salad...

Dear Nicky,

Not much happened today. This evening Mom went to the store and got some fresh lobster meat, which I made into a lobster salad that we enjoyed very much on rolls with some nice wine. We didn't take you to the beach today because it was too hot. You didn't have as bad a "reign of terror" in the midafternoon, which was wonderful. Your grandparents from my side came back home from being in Greece for a solid month. They sounded really tired, but sounded like they had a good time. I'm really beat from this sea air, so I'll sign off now.

Love,
Dad

Still at the shore...

Dear Nicky,

We're at the beach still, and today we brought you down again in the afternoon. There's not much going on down here. Mom felt sick to her stomach this morning. I think something she ate yesterday prevented her stomach from digesting her food. We spend most of our time marveling at you, actually. Total strangers say how cute you are. Your grandparents left this afternoon, but they'll probably be back Friday. You seem to be developing this midafternoon cranky thing, where you wake up furious from your noontime nap. It's kind of weird. We had take-out pasta tonight. That's about it.

Love,
Dad

Visitors...

Dear Nicky,

Today's the Fourth of July. We spent quite some time on the beach and you got some color in your cheeks from the light reflected off the water and sand. The sea air makes you sleepy, we think. All this fresh air must be so good for you. Your mother's folks came down early this morning, and they're both in our place right now. It makes it hard to concentrate, so I'll sign off now.

Love,
Dad

You at the beach...

Dear Nicky,

We took you onto the beach this afternoon. You just sort of hung out on Mom and took it all in. She said you were quite verbal, but I couldn't hear anything over the roar of the surf. You seemed quite placid, though, and afterward, when we brought you up, you fell sound asleep. We'll go back tomorrow. We think the sea air is really good for you.

Love,
Dad

Your first trip to the beach...

Dear Nicky,

We're at the beach! This is a first for you. We've been here before, of course, but I'm extremely eager to see how you react to everything. I can't wait, actually. It was a long, hard drive to get down here, but you didn't complain at all. Traffic was slow going for no reason other than rubbernecking. Rubbernecking is the term for slowing down to gawk at accidents or people that are pulled over by cops. A big accident, even if everything is off the road and nobody's hurt will slow down traffic for miles, just so nosy people can gape like slack-jawed yokels at someone else's misfortunes, and then as soon as your past the point of the accident, traffic picks right up again like nothing happened. We're in a house with your aunt and uncle and two cousins. We have the top half, they've got the bottom half. Everybody's nuts for you, of course. Despite the trouble we had getting down here and a bit of squabbling Mom and I did in the late afternoon, I'm really looking forward to our time here. I think you'll like the beach a lot. Your time at the beach itself will have to occur in small intervals, since we don't want you to burn and you're too young to put sunscreen on. It's going to be so much fun!

Love,
Dad

Boy, is your face red...

Dear Nicky,

This afternoon, after your midday meal, you took a nap on my stomach while I lay in bed, reading a paperback book. You're a wonderfully heavy little guy and you slept soundly for an hour. Then you woke and seemed to want to get off, so I put you on the bed for a minute so I could stand up and take you away, maybe to your Gymini or something. That's when you had your meltdown. Mom and I can't understand why you sometimes wake up from a nap during the day and start crying. Mom seems to thing you wake without fully wanting to, and that makes you angry. We don't know. But anyway, you woke up again and started to cry. I tried to comfort you with rubbing, hugging, soothing, kissing, but you had none of it. Then you had a full meltdown, where your face turns blood-red, your faces contorts into a mask of fury and madness, you go stiff as a board while your mouth screams soundlessly. You do not breathe the slightest bit, then you inhale a giant lungful and let loose with a heaven-shaking roar of (we don't know what) rage? pain? terror? Whatever it is, we dread it, that's for sure. Today's meltdown was so intense you must've broken some tiny blood vessels in your forehead because afterward you were dotted all over with them. It was of such concern that Mom called the doctor's office, who told us it was probably nothing to worry about. In the future, Nick, just take it easy, okay?

Love,
Dad