Because I'm the coolest dad...

Dear son,

I went to Old Navy today with the notion to buy myself a pair of pants to cram my gut into. My weight's been on the upswing the last several months, you see. Unfortunately, they had nothing for me. So I bought some more maternity pants for your mother, two of which she really liked, one I have to return, but it's all good. I got some stylin' stuff for you, too, but unlike the stuff my dad would buy for me, you won't ever have to be embarrassed to wear it. And when I return your mother's pants, I'm sure I'll find some other cool stuff for you. Why am I doing this, you might ask? See the title, junior.

Love,
Dad