A little break...

Dear Nicky,

I'm conflicted about this. I've decided to take a little hiatus, a pause, from this blog. I feel that for the past several weeks, or months (or is it years?), I haven't been able to properly document all the wonder that is you, haven't been able to appreciate all that you do and say and enlighten me with. I feel like I've grown complacent with this journal, and it's become stagnant. I feel like all I do is halfheartedly list a few mundane events of the day out of some twisted sense of obligation or misdirected devotion. I don't know if I have any excuse or not. I don't even know who I am anymore, truth be told. Maybe I'm a bad father. Maybe I'm lazy and selfish. Or maybe I'm a good father who's doing his best in a difficult situation. You deserve better than me writing some banalities every day, frequently tainted with frustration and resentment. We both deserve better, and I'm going to stop punishing myself with this blog for a while and see what happens. I don't how long I'll be away, but let me make one thing clear: I loved you before you were born, I love you now, and I will always love you. Temporarily suspending this blog has nothing to do with the way I feel about you, but perhaps my absence from it will allow me to return to it with renewed energy and refocused on what a great little guy you are.

Love,
Dad