Some crib...

Dear son,

Your mother and I went to the mall today. I don't really like malls, especially this one. It's filled with avaricious and dumb people. But anyway, your mother and aunt were looking around for stuff, but your mom got really tired all of a sudden so we bolted. Lucky for you we did, otherwise we might've gotten you this big, ugly, dorky-looking crib from some precious and expensive ripoff joint.

Love,
Dad