To My Son Nicholas...

Missing you...

2012-01-28T21:50:00.002-05:00

Dear Nicky,Today was pretty boring on my end. I had a terrible night's sleep last night because my leg was totally jumpy. I ate a bunch of chocolate stuff right before bed, so the sugar made me restless. I woke up tired and was tired all day with Papou, whose idea of a good time is to go to the grocery store and then come home and sit around on furniture 40 years old and better suited to an Inquisition torture chamber rather a comfortable home space. But Papou is old and set in his ways and he's just used to things as they are because he know no better.I miss you and your sister, and I wish I could have seen Junie do her Gup test for her karate school. Mom says she did well and that you behaved well while observing.I love my family.Love,Dad

We do a little FaceTime...

2012-01-27T23:07:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,This morning after you left, I dropped Junie off at school, then went home and got ready for my trip to New Hampshire to see Papou. It was a long drive, and the weather was particularly foggy in Conneticut, but traffic was not bad. When I got up here, I called home on the computer and said hello to you guys over the Internet using my powerful new laptop. Very cool, and nice to see my kids' gorgeous faces back home while using FaceTme. By the way, I heard you didn't win Crazy Hat at Stones; big deal, I think the fix was in.Love,Dad

Laughs at karate...

2012-01-26T21:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,This afternoon when you came from school, it being Thursday, it was time to turn right around and head down to karate for Junie. Your behavior was just great: happy and cooperative. And when June was doing so well that her teacher went long with her and her fellow students, you still behaved great. We came home, everybody was good, and we ate a nice dinner.Love,Dad

Great burgers...

2012-01-25T22:33:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,Mom has this author who sent us some frozen steaks and hamburger for Christmas. We've been working our way through them, and tonight we had some hamburgers that were so good they made me mad for not having them all the time.Earlier today Mom and I had a conference with June's kindergarten teacher who told us what a nice girl and a good student your sister is. Then we saw this little book she made that was on the bulletin board near her classroom. You should be very proud of your little sister. I'm so proud of both of you.Love,Dad

Mellow...

2012-01-24T23:13:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,No power outages today, just a mellow afternoon and evening with no Wii, and little Star Wars movie. You know what's funny? We do this thing from The Princess and the Frog, where I imitate this lightning bug named Raymond and tickle you, each wave of tickling preceded by the quote from Raymond, "Don't you make me light my butt!" It's killer funny and cracks you up like mad. Earlier today June said she thought that I thought being with her was hard work. It sort of scared and shamed me, but sometimes it can be true. Does that make me a bad parent?Love,Dad

Outage...

2012-01-23T23:59:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

We were very lucky this evening. The power went out around 8 o'clock tonight. We were lucky because it didn't go out when I was making you guys dinner, which you ate brilliantly by the way, and it didn't go out while I gave you guys a bath, or while I was drying your hair. What a pain it would've been to lose power during those critical times. It went out just as we were putting our pajamas on. You guys were a little nervous, June more than you, but we all handled a difficult situation pretty well. You guys were good and brave.

Love,
Dad

Sometimes...

2012-01-22T23:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,Sometimes I'm too hard on myself, and you, and your sister. I worry that I'm not up to snuff, that i'm inadequate for the task of fatherhood, that when you and your sister display minor, infrequent traits of bad or merely typical behavior, it will snowball into alienation and hardship later in life. Thinking liked that is called catastrophizing. It means imagining and expecting the worst, and it's wasteful and unnecessary and I wish I didn't do it, but being aware that I do do it is a kind of victory, I suppose. It's good because when I'm aware of it, I can catch myself and correct myself.Now today was a pretty great day for me dadwise. It was cold and gloomy and my back has been killing me all day, but June wanted to go sledding and I took you both, somewhat reluctantly, to this nearby school where there's a nice stretch of hill. We got all bundled up, loaded up our sled, and off we went. Mom stayed home to work on a manuscript. Honestly, it was a little work because you are somewhat clumsy all bundled up and you're kind of soft and squishy when it comes to holding on to things, so you and I made every ride downhill together. But June merely required a little verbal instruction and she took to it instantly and fearlessly. And you know what? It was fun for all of us. You both were so thrilled at sledding that your behavior was just excellent, inspiring, and pride-swelling. Despite the cold and my backache, we stayed for two hours, sliding down the hill, then trudging back up, over and over again, enthusiastic and brave. It really felt good to be with you guys this afternoon.Love,Dad

A little snowy...

2012-01-21T23:42:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,So it was snowing today, not much but enough to make driving to karate this morning a little slippery. But your old dad knows all about driving in snowy weather, so there was no problem. But apparently other folks weren't quite so brave as us, and you had a nearly private lesson. Then we came home and I ran the snow blower and Mom took you guys to swimming. After finishing the driveway I met up with you guys and we went out to lunch. Afterward we came home and tried to make a snowman but the snow was too light and powdery, so we threw snowballs (very gently). We came in, warmed up, had a light dinner, a bath, then bed. Wholesome. Love,Dad

It's difficult...

2012-01-20T23:03:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,Sometimes it's hard to stay positive when it feels like no matter which way one turns, there's another assault right to the face again.Love,Dad

Nice behavior at karate...

2012-01-19T22:20:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,on Thursdays, as you know, we take June to her karate class in Scotch Plains. The timing is often tight due to the arrival of your school transport. But today was not bad. You cooperated in going on the potty, June didn't make things too difficult getting into her uniform, and traffic was light. When we got there, you played happily on my iPhone till June's lesson was over, and when we got home, you were both well behaved until dinner time. You guys ate okay, then went to bed easily. Mom went over to Stones to help wrap some more stuff for the Tricky Tray, and I had a little time to finish this book I was reading called The Plague by Albert Camus, a very good read.Love,Dad

Trip to the library...

2012-01-18T21:42:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,This morning you guys were late to rise, and you barely touched your breakfast before it was time to trundle you off to school. But this morning I made a deliberate effort to be more patient, and I think I succeeded. Today at your school, they installed a smart board, and while that was happening, you guys took a trip over to the library next door. You were quite happy when you came home, ate a reasonable dinner, we played ghost a little bit, had a bath, then Mom arrived in time to put you both to bed.Love,Dad

I feel so guilty...

2012-01-17T23:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,Most of the time I'm pretty patient with you. I think I'm reasonably objective about this. But this morning i was not. I wanted you to go on the potty and you refused, basically turning into a bag of jelly with a bad attitude, and I snapped and yelled at you. You looked stricken, and I immediately felt ashamed. I felt bad all day till you got home and I apologized during dinner. You, being the soul of forgiveness, forgave me at once, and I was whole again, but karma is a cruel mistress and a few minutes ago, you had a bad dream that made you cry out, "Stop, stop! Oh, stop it!" Now, realistically this probably wasn't related to my yelling at you, but it might have been, and that made feel ashamed of myself all over again. Always remember, tomorrow is a new day.Love,Dad

A cold day is good for laundry...

2012-01-16T23:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,Nothing major going on today. No running around, unlike yesterday. It was 20 degrees outside this morning, so we were in no hurry to go anywhere. Later in the afternoon, I took you guys to Granny's so I could go to Wegman's. Then I brought you home and made you dinner. For dessert you had three brownies.Love,Dad

Little carnival...

2012-01-16T23:22:00.002-05:00

Dear Nicky,No school today because of the MLK holiday, so we had a mellow morning. In the afternoon, I took you and June to the community center in Summit, where they had a indoor carnival-thing for special needs kids and their siblings. You and your sister had so much fun going down this huge inflatable slide and doing the games, like beanbag toss and spin the wheel for prizes, all very cute. You really liked the slide and worked yourself to exhaustion climbing up it. June liked winning the tickets at the games more than the prizes those tickets could earn. You enjoyed dancing at the end, too. And shortly after we came home, Mom returned from her trip and gave you guys a bath after dinner. Back to the usual tomorrow. Even though it was just the three of us this weekend, we did all right.Love,Dad

Very active day...

2012-01-14T23:58:00.002-05:00

Dear Nicky,This morning when we woke up we all snuggled together before going downstairs. I made everybody some French toast that you guys really liked. Then we went to karate, came back and had some more food, then we went to swimming, which you really seem to love, then we went out for lunch at Chimney Rock, which was good for me because by that time it was past one o'clock and I hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day. We came home and had a nice bath, then watched a Star Wars movie for a bit, then had some steak for dinner. You and June were quite active today and I'm so glad you guys consumed a fairly large amount of calories.Love,Dad

Winter's here...

2012-01-13T22:19:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,Today Mom went on a little trip for a few days. The wind blew a loose branch off a tree, which went through our deck like a bomb. A cold front's moved in for a while. We're safe and warm and we cuddled a lot this evening while we watched Attack of the Clones.Love,Dad

Farewell, iBook...

2012-01-12T22:02:00.001-05:00

Dear Nick,This evening is the beginning of the Stones wrap nights, where a bunch of people from your school gather to wrap gift baskets for the annual tricky tray fundraiser. Apparently it's a major production, but what I think is that all these people working on this thing are a bunch of disorganized women. Anyway, Mom asked could they borrow my laptop, a 2004 Apple iBook, so they could keep track of all these baskets. I said sure, but now I'm regretting it for fear I'll never see my iBook ever again. It's like an old friend.This afternoon, we took June to karate as soon as you came home. Later you ate well but got a little silly playing with my iPad afterward. Oh well, we both go silly for tech.Love,Dad

Dental check up...?

2012-01-11T22:58:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,We have an appointment for you in February, but I might take you to see my own orthodontist soon because your teeth are concerning me a little. Your incisors are coming in nice and big, but incredibly crooked and I'm wondering what if anything we can do about them. Could you put up with braces? Are they even an option?Love,Dad

Better mood...

2012-01-10T21:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,Last night you were stuffy, so I gave you a little snoot of Benadryl. Now, this stuff works great and you slept very well, but this morning when it was time to wake up you were as cranky as I've ever seen you. You didn't even eat a thing for breakfast. Fortunately when you came home you were in a great mood. Your after school routine went very smoothly and you ate a great dinner. No doubt you were very hungry. You went to bed very happily too, so we'll see what your mood will be like tomorrow.Love,Dad

Back to routine...

2012-01-09T22:59:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,You like routine amd I like routine. This morning it took me a little longer to get back in our routine because I was so tired, but you ate well for breakfast and dinner. This morning you happily made your way out to your ride, but when you came home this afternoon you were out cold. This is something we've been doing for quite while now.Love,Dad

I'm back to my family...

2012-01-08T23:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,Came back home today. Was initially a little concerned because no one was here and there was an ice pack on the kitchen table along with a couple bandages lying around. Turns out Mom sprained her ankle making a misstep on the basement stairs. Granddaddy came over and helped out and took you and June over to their house for a while. Mom had gone to the store and when she came home, we dropped off a registration packet for junie to be a Daisey scout, then we went to you guys. It was so nice to see you kids and you both climbed all over me and gave me lots of hugs and kisses. I had a nice time away, but there's nothing like being with you guys. Even when things are tense I'd always rather be with you guys than anyplace else. Well, almost always ;)Love,Dad

Great kids...q

2012-01-07T23:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,Mom told me how great you kids were in karate, and how June was an assistant in your class and how proud she was of it. She also told me you were both great in swimming, that you did well and followed the instructor's directions. I hear June was happy to be in the next level of swimming, too. Maybe this semester she'll get her face wet. I also heard June got a beautiful haircut and that you guys went and got Japanese food for dinner. Amazing! I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow!Love,Dad

Papou...

2012-01-06T23:45:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,I'm worried about my dad, your grandfather. He's really old, and since Yia-yia died, he doesn't have that sort of stress that was almost beneficial to him to keep him strong. Although he sounds pretty good on the phone, he's starting to get forgetful, forgetting the names of things, which was how my mother got about a year or two before her complete decline. His mother lived to be 99, however. So maybe he's got a lot of time left. He wants to live with us, at our house. I just don't want the incredible stress that would put into our lives, my life in particular. I'd like him to move into this assisted living community nearby. It's a ten minute drive from us, in a nice modern facility. It's like a nice hotel. He won't hear of it. I fear he'll die like a dog, alone in his total stubbornness up there in that cave of an apartment he made us all crawl into 37 years ago. Death and dying reveals the truth about people if you're smart and pay attention: the people you think are good are never so good, and those you think bad are likewise never so bad, but at the end of the day for them and for you, the end of your time together, when they come out from under the great shadow that is this life, you can only do one thing: forgive them, and forgive yourself.Love,Dad

Missing you...

2012-01-05T00:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,Haven't seen you since this morning. I'm in the city for the next couple nights. I think today Mom took you and June to karate this afternoon. Today was probably June only, and you kept Mom company. Can't wait to see you!Love,Dad

The patch...

2012-01-04T21:38:00.003-05:00

Dear Nicky,This afternoon you came home from school a little drowsy, so I carried you in, as I so often do. You came around soon and I tried to patch your right eye like we do, but you would have none of it. Bribery and threats were ineffective. I tried to manhandle you but you struggled so mightily and cried so piteously that I couldn't continue. You win this round.Love,Dad

Still getting used to this...

2012-01-03T23:11:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,Hey, again I almost forgot to recap today's activities. It's been so long since I did it on a regular basis, I'm a little rusty. Well, we got you off just fine this morning. I washed your jacket the other day so it was nice and clean for your first day back to Stones after the long holiday break. Mom packed you a big lunch. So when you got home you were a little drowsy from food, but you perked up quickly thereafter. I'm thinking we might want to check your thyroid or pituitary or something because your so sleepy all the time, and awake at all the wrong times. While you were at school, June and I went down to the gym. Today was chest and arms, and hopefully I can make it tomorrow for legs and back. Afterward we had lunch there. June had three eggs and a kids pizza. After dinner tonight, you wanted to play Wii and June wanted to watch a movie. I introduced the concept of flipping a coin to decide who got to choose. Both of you seemed to grasp it pretty well and we all agreed that it seemed a fair solution for our dilemma. I flipped, you won, June pouted. Then I gave you guys a bath, which is getting to be a real pain, since you both act like animals, but I still love you even though you're animals. Then it was bed time. It was wicked cold today and will be again tomorrow. Still, there is no snow on the ground and none in the near forecast, which is good unless we get clobbered in the next few weeks. I'll keep you posted.Love,Dad

The tooth...

2012-01-02T23:40:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,Well, old habits die hard, don't they? I almost forgot to write today, and now it's late in the evening, just like the old days. This morning your loose tooth finally came out, the one that had practically been dangling by a thread. It came out when you were eating your peanut butter sandwich for breakfast. You just kept on eating with a mouthful of blood. June had school today, but you didn't so we were together most of the day. At one point we played a rousing game of Dinosaur Island, which you really seem to love. We stand some of your animal toys in a circle around the rug in your bedroom, and you knock them down one by one after I've had each one tease your totem animal, a plastic tiger. Then we had some wrestling and messing around, always good for a few laughs. Later, Mom made us meatloaf for dinner, but you didn't eat much. I made a fire in the fireplace earlier this afternoon, using wood that came from our own trees, whose limbs were felled by the freak ice storm in October. It was somehow primally satisfying. And now seven hours later, there's still a few embers glowing and ticking. Mom put you to bed before June tonight, then I put June to bed. You two are a lot of work. I'm pretty sure the Tooth Fairy's already left a dollar under your pillow for that tooth of yours. Which reminds me: we've got to work on that grinding of yours--that poor tooth of yours was nearly worn down to a nub.Love,Dad

Welcome, 2012...

2012-01-01T21:50:00.000-05:00

My dear boy,

I've barely written to you for a long time now. I took some advice for someone who meant to help me, and I don't think it was the right thing to do. I'm kind of ashamed of myself. I want to to write regularly again, to write not just for you--so that I can record your history--but for myself as well, so I can remind myself what a blessing I have in the form of you, and in the form of your sister, my beloved baby girl June.

This past year might have been the worst year ever for our little family. The most major event was without doubt the death of my mother, your yia-yia. My poor mother had been in a steady health decline for years and ignored repeated entreaties from those around her to seek some help. Finally, almost exactly a year ago, she went to the hospital and never returned home. She suffered brutally, both mentally and physically for eight months, then died this past July 29. You and your sister made me so proud at her memorial. You both were wonderful and mature and the embodiment of loving little grandchildren.

That was the biggest thing, but there was also an earthquake, a hurricane, and a freak ice storm around Halloween that left nearly the entire state without power for close to a week. It was a stressful time for us, my little friend, and did I mention my two-months and counting struggle with bronchitis and your bout of pneumonia?

Today I went to the gym and did some cardio. When I came back we went to a park for a while, then we went to the raptor trust, where we saw some cool birds. We came home, had dinner, played some Wii, had a bath, then went to bed. You've got this front tooth that's hanging by a thread for two days now. Hope it comes out soon. Tomorrow June goes back to school, but you go the next day. We set you guys up with humidifiers this year, so we'll see how that works out. Sometimes you get so dry and stuffy your lips crack like desert hardpan.

I feel good writing to you again, Nick. I missed doing it a lot.

Love,
Dad

The Long In-between: April 30 to May 8...

2011-05-08T22:35:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Sorry I haven't written in such a long time. I've been pretty depressed since we came back from Florida. I hadn't gone to the gym at all. This morning was my first time since we got back, and I didn't do any exercise while we were in Florida. Anyhow my mother is still sick, and that's the reason I've been so out of it this week. I will mention however that you and June are great travelers. You both are so good on the plane it makes it a pleasure. Nothing much has gone on this past week, although you did go to the Turtleback Zoo with your Stepping Stones crew. I spent today on the road driving up to Dover to see my folks, and so that I could be able to go with her to the doctor's appointment she has scheduled for tomorrow. I hope we get some good news for a change. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that my mother really seemed to like that Mothers Day video we made for her this morning, so that was something. I hope you have a great day tomorrow.

Love,
Dad

A shadow...

2011-04-29T20:21:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Last night at dinner I got a call from the rehab hospital that your Yia Yia had to be taken to the emergency room. I had to call to let Papou know. He was there all night, and I spent most of the day worrying about them both. Kind of a sucky day, and frankly a sucky note to end the trip on. But I'll be happy to get home.

Love,
Dad

Fancy dinner...

2011-04-28T20:13:00.005-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Another nice day today, with plenty of water play. Later a babysitter came to watch you and June while Mom and I went next door to this fancy restaurant with another couple. The place was weirdly designed and the food didn't drive me crazy.

Love,
Dad

You fall asleep...

2011-04-27T20:09:00.010-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This evening after an afternoon of water play, we went off the island to this restaurant, but you fell asleep on the drive over and stayed that way, so we ate quickly, then went to a Walgreen's for some stuff. We came home and put you to bed.

Love,
Dad

Water, water...

2011-04-26T21:55:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning we spent a lot of time in the water, first in the pool and then at the beach. It was slot of fun, then we had some lunch, then put you and June in the kids klub. Later we gave you a bath and got a babysitter while Mom and I went out with this couple we know for a nice meal, that was made even nicer when they picked up the tab. When we got back you guys were sound asleep.

Love,
Dad

Great success...

2011-04-25T21:39:00.011-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today we went to great lengths to brief you on the kind of behavior that we expected you to display in the kids club and happily, you got what we were talking about. Your behavior was very good and erased or at least educated these people that work the kids club about who you really are and what you're capable of. For dinner we went to a place that was little too fancy for the level of food they were serving, but it was okay. It was nice to be with you, and the day was a good one.

Love,
Dad

It begins...

2011-04-24T21:37:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning our vacation began in earnest, with a nice breakfast for you, and all of us actually. Then we hit the pool for quite a while, which probably tired you out and accounted for your somewhat poor behavior in the kids klub, which necessitated them calling your mother's cell phone while she and I were on the beach. This was kind of upsetting forMom and me. Later we out to Target only to discover that it was closed for Easter. So we went to a Walgreen's to get some stuff we needed, like a way to make a stepstool for you when you use the potty--and some aloe vera and vitamin C for my sunburn. Then we went down to a bookstore, came back, had a bath, then dinner, then bed.

Love,
Dad

We arrive...

2011-04-23T21:24:00.009-04:00

Dear Nicky,

We arrived safely and successfully on our latest trip to Florida. You and June were just great on the plane and well behaved the entire journey from the airport to the car rental place to Target to the hotel. By the time we got here we were so tired and hungry we basically just got something to eat and went to bed pretty early.

Love,
Dad

Back to Florida...

2011-04-22T22:51:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

You have this coming week off, so we're heading down to Florida for a few days to get some sun and time in the water. June is a little sick, but she shrugs colds off like nobody's business. I just hope you don't catch anything. Hopefully it be a lot of fun for us all and no catastrophe will occur with my mother in rehab.

Love,
Dad

Indy...

2011-04-21T22:38:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Your mood was good this morning and afternoon. You were cooperative and cheerful and as a result got to play some Wii. Your choice was the Indiana jones Lego came. And you were quite good.

Love,
Dad

Too much Maul...

2011-04-20T21:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

I'm talking about too much Darth Maul, that is. Your sister is just crazy about him all of a sudden, calling him her favorite bad guy. This evening you ate some spinach pizza and a banana, had a nice bath, and went to bed easy. Last night, you snuck in bed with us and were awake at four o'clock.

Love,
Dad

Blue face...

2011-04-19T19:24:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This afternoon during a coloring session you got blue marker all over your face, hands, and the couch. Fortunately, it was Crayola washable marker and it came right off. I was a little cross with you and you were on the verge of tears, but I told you I forgave you and you bloomed like a happy flower. For dinner you ate all of your chicken nuggets, but no fries. You guys wanted to watch Star Wars Episode One yet again, but I said it was time to go to bed, and surprisingly you and June complied rather well.

Love,
Dad

Unspectacular...

2011-04-18T22:56:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

You woke up super early this morning because your diaper leaked, but we snuggled you down for another two hours of sleep. You went off to school a little grumpily, but that's just how roll, basically. Wasted most of the day today waiting on the plumber and the phone repair guy. The plumber basically did his thing but the phone guy couldn't do much. The noise on the phone line is rendering the phone nearly useless. You came home in a good mood and played some Wii, then we had dinner, which you ate very well: bowtie pasta and meatballs and a banana. Good job. Mom came home early and gave you a bath then put you to bed.

Love,
Dad

Like a rooster...

2011-04-17T22:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning you were wide awake well before six. We tried to get you to go back to sleep but you'd have none of it. You went to Sunday School, then later went out to Granny's, where apparently Junie acted silly. When you guys came home, you were sound asleep. I wasted my afternoon playing video games.

Love,
Dad

Winter returns...

2011-04-16T22:15:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning Mom took you to your swimming lesson, which you loved, while I took June to her tennis lessons, where she's getting good and having fun. It was extremely cold and windy and we couldn't wait to get home, where we wrapped a present for some kid's b9rthday party. She had fun, and you helped me with emptying the dishwasher. We did some laundry, had some laughs. Then when Mom and June came home, we went out to Chimney Rock, then we came and had a bath.

Love,
Dad

Model behavior...

2011-04-14T23:24:00.010-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today we went on your Toys R Us photo shoot. It was a little tricky to find, but once we got there it was fun and easy. There was a whole crew devoted to you: wardrobe, hair and makeup, handler, photographer, etc. Your behavior and personality were just awesome and everybody was impressed with your cooperation and sunny disposition. I wouldn't be surprised if we heard from these guys again.

Love,
Dad

Bedhog...

2011-04-13T22:08:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Very early this morning, like one or two, you came stealthily into my room and wanted to get into bed. Because you are so adorably squishy and cuddly, I can never refuse bringing you in, but last night you hogged the entire king-size bed by lying perpendicular to any position I was in. Also, you kicked a lot, and started smacking your lips around 4:30 this morning, so I didn't get much sleep last night. Thanks a lot.

Love,
Dad

Amazing burgers...

2011-04-12T22:00:00.008-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This evening I made these hamburgers from some meat that had been sent to us frozen as a gift during the holidays. We've sampled their steaks before, and tonight it was burgers, and let me tell you, both you and June went bananas, they were so good. We all had a nice if simple meal of burgers, fries, and carrots, followed by bananas.

Love,
Dad

We get the call...

2011-04-11T21:57:00.005-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning I got a call from a lady that wants you to be a model for a Toys R Us catalogue. On Thursday we drive into Union City, just north of Hoboken where we used to live. I think everyone will go crazy for how adorable you are.

Love,
Dad

Early riser...

2011-04-10T22:09:00.001-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Early this morning, like really early around two a.m. I woke up because I detected your little presence near my head on my side of the bed. I made to pull you into the bed with me, but then I noticed your clothes were soaking wet. Your pullups must have come loose or something while you slept and you had peed in them. So I got up, stripped you down, put you on the potty, and put on a fresh pair of pullups on you. I didn't put any new PJs on because I knew you'd be quite warm--snuggling next to me. You're the cuddliest. You're like a living, breathing human Teddy bear. Also, today you had another swim lesson with Miss Patty, whom you adore and do so well with.

Love,
Dad

Some cleanup work...

2011-04-09T22:00:00.006-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today Mom took you to the gym for a while in the morning while I took June to her tennis lesson. Then Mom went to this fundraiser type of thing at your school for a while. Later the three of us went, and there I traded you and Junie off to Mom while I stayed and helped clean the joint up. Afterward, we all got together and went to Chimney Rock, where you surprised us by eating a lot of broccoli. I myself ate a whole pizza and found it delicious. When we came home June expended some energy outside for a while, then Mom gave both of you a bath, while I assembled this tiny little toy chest we acquired the other day.

Love,
Dad

Bloodwork...

2011-04-08T21:51:00.014-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today I picked you up at Stones as soon as all you guys returned from your field trip to Kidz Village in Kenilworth. From the way everybody was raving about it, it sounded like a great time was had by all. After all that fun, it was time for some trouble, and by that I mean blood test.

So June and picked you up and we went to St. Barnabus together. We checked in, went to the lab, and had to wait quite a bit, but I must say you kids behaved fantastic. You were adorable, curious, and well mannered. You really made me look good. The nurse/receptionist even commented on how calm I was. Anyway, they needed a urine sample too, which wasn't easy to get, since you didn't really want to go, but you tried to please, and we got enough. Then there was the blood drawing itself, which frightened you and you struggled in my arms, but the phlebotomist was skilled and the process was brief. Afterward we came home, had treats as a reward for your bravery and June's, and played Wii. Later Mom came home from her trip and our little family was together again.

Love,
Dad

Lentil soup...

2011-04-07T21:50:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

So this was last lunch I made for you today, since tomorrow you'll be having a pizza lunch on your field trip. I hope you have a lot of fun.

This morning you ate nothing, which probably accounts for why it looks like you ate all your lunch. This evening it was pizza bagels. Tomorrow, we'll see.

Speaking of tomorrow, we might go get a blood test as St. Barnabus hospital. Hopefully, it won't be so bad for you.

Love,
Dad

Where's the DVD...

2011-04-06T23:28:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

You got up super early today and woke my poor butt, too. You came home asleep but woke up for Wii and some steak. Gave you a bath, then bedtime.

Love,
Dad

Same ol routine...

2011-04-05T23:55:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

It feels like we are at that point again where we rehash how tired we are. I'm not gonna bother you with that!

Love,
Dad

The three of us...

2011-04-04T22:33:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Mom's out of town all week, so we must work together and take care of each other.

Love,
Dad

Swim, Nick, swim...

2011-04-03T23:56:00.001-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Took you to an afternoon swim lesson today. You loved it as usual and I think you're starting to come along in terms of progress. I wish June were as fearless as you when it comes to swimming. You ate a nice meatloaf dinner this evening, with mashed potatoes and milk and a Tastykake. Then Mom gave you a bath and we called it a night.

Love,
Dad

Dinner, and my mommy...

2011-04-02T11:05:00.018-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Laurie came over and Mom and I went out to dinner. The food was really great, but just as I was about to start dessert, I get a call on my cell that my mother had pulled her feeding tube out and needed to be rushed to the emergency room so it could be reconnected. They told me my father went up there as well to help keep her calm. This was around seven. By the time all was said and done and my mother was back in rehab it was past midnight. Very stressful and frustrating.

You guys did a lot of outdoor play. Although you have a tendency to throw things, we encourage you to get outside and get plenty of fresh air, and you got a lot. And when Laurie came over you guys had a decent dinner and then dyed some Easter eggs. Fun!

Love,
Dad

Camp application...

2011-04-01T23:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This summer we're going to try a day camp, and today was when we had to apply and get you interviewed. Mom took you over to meet the lady in charge and I guess she was suitably impressed that she agreed you can go. Afterward you went to a playdate, then came home and had a peanut butter sandwich and went to bed. Sometimes life is just so exciting and filled with wondrous variety.

Love,
Dad

I wait, and I worry...

2011-03-30T23:39:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

I returned home this evening after a long day and a long drive. My mother is at last due to be fed solid food. Hopefully, this will help her recovery, but I'm not sure that it will. I feel guilt, sorrow, pity, and anger. You may never know fully what I'm talking about. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain, even if I knew myself. The only certainty is my love for my children.

Love,
Dad

YiaYia can swallow...

2011-03-29T23:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Went to a swallow study for my mom this morning. She did well and will soon be eating solids again. Hopefully she will quickly regain her strength and be able to withstands the rigors of having her thyroid removed. I know you had a checkup with the docs this morning, but I haven't spoken to Mom today. Im sure she'll catch me up tomorrow.

Love,
Dad

New Hampshire again...

2011-03-28T23:27:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This afternoon when you came home, Granny got you off the van and babysat you and Junie till Robin showed up to babysit you some more, then Mom came home. I am in New Hampshire visiting my mom because she has a test tomorrow that will determine if she can start eating solid foods again. Physically she looks pretty good, but her mental clarity is poor. Hopefully, this is only a temporary condition and will improve when and if we can remove her thyroid. I hope you had a fantastic day, and may you have another one tomorrow, when you go home to Grace's house.

I almost forgot to mention how painfully sweet you were last night. I don't remember the time, but you brought your little stepstool into the bedroom and climbed right on top of me and gave me kisses until I tucked you in next to me and snuggled with you all night. You're so darn cute!

Anyway, be a good boy; listen to Mommy and take care of your little sister. I'll be back soon.

Love,
Dad

Family fun day...

2011-03-27T23:00:00.013-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today was a fundraising event called Family Fun Day to benefit your school. Mom left early to prepare it, and you, me, and Junie left around noon to attend. There was plenty of food and music, all of which was was pretty good. And you guys had a nice time dancing and running around. There was a raffle, and we won a telescope! Amazing, considering we never win anything; case in point, June wanted to win a Star Wars toy. She put all her tickets in that container and even had the chance to draw the ticket and she still didn't win it, which made her cry. When we got home you had some bread and banana, then Mom gave you a bath and put you to bed.

Love,
Dad

Birthday party...

2011-03-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today we had your birthday party at Chimney Rock. We had a large turnout and everything went very smoothly. We had a magician/balloon artist show up, and while corny, he was still very nice. When we first got there you were a little logey, but you soon perked up, and by the time I put you to bed, you were out like a light.

Pajama day...

2011-03-25T23:55:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today at Stones someone thought it would be fun to do pajama day. I think it was kind of lame. Hope you kids had fun. Tomorrow is your birthday party.

Love,
Dad

Steak...

2011-03-24T21:59:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning you slept late, then for dinner you had some nice steak. We watched a little Revenge of the sith, then Mom put you to bed.

Love,
Dad

Indiana Jones...

2011-03-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

We didn't play any Lego Star Wars today; your new favorite is Indiana Jones (Lego version, of course). You sure get exited and loud when you play the Wii.

Love,
Dad

Good IEP meeting...

2011-03-22T23:00:00.002-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Mom and I went to Stones today to review your IEP. It was great. Everybody there seems to love you. No surprises.

Love,
Dad

Snow...

2011-03-21T23:24:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today was the first day of spring, and it snowed. We had a man come over and take a look at the lawn in order to set up a sprinkler system. It's only March and he's already booked into June. This evening we watched The Empire Strikes Back, and when it was done and the credits were rolling, you turned and said "I liked that!". Your enthusiasm and clarity were quite noteworthy and rather sophisticated. I felt a thrill when I heard it.

Love,
Dad

The swamp...

2011-03-20T23:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning you and Mom went to church while June and I went to the docs for her cough. We waited a long time, then got the scrip filled at Target, met up with you guys and went to lunch at Chimney Rock. I ate a whole pizza. Afterward we went to the Great Swamp where we saw a bunch of snakes and you threw a pen in the water. We got mad at you for that. We came home and you ate a nice pasta and meatball dinner.

Love,
Dad

Granny's birthday...

2011-03-19T23:49:00.001-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today was Granny's birthday so we went out to dinner at an expensive but ordinary restaurant. So tired when we came home.

Love,
Dad

Good hearing and a haircut...

2011-03-18T23:22:00.020-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning you pitched a fit when we turned of the Wii so you could go to school. Later Mom came and got you and took you to the ENT, where you're hearing isgreat and your fluids in yr ears is vastly improved. Then Mom took you to get a haircut, which looks good.

Love,
Dad

Happy St. Patty's...

2011-03-17T23:21:00.007-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Today was St. Patrick's Day, which is almost as meaningless to me as it is to you. It was also picture day at Stones, so we dressed you up and neatened your hair and sent you off. I'll bet your photos are the best. When you came home I forgot to patch you, I know you must've really missed it. We had some dinner, then played Wii for the first time in a couple days, then Mom gave you a bath and put you to bed.

Love,
Dad

Late start...

2011-03-16T23:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

As usual ie waited till too late in the evening to write, but that's just how I am. Nothing major went on today anyway. I basically had June all to myself all day. Major highpoint: she rode a Spider-Man ride outside the supermarket in Gilette or Sterling. I've got it on video. You're barely eating anything these days and Mom and I starting to worry.

Love,
Dad

Cuddly boy...

2011-03-15T22:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

Lately you've been sneaking into our bed at night. I'll roll over and there you are, your soft, squishy little body next to me. I know we're probably developing a bad habit, but you're too irresistible when it comes to cuddling. You're like a living, human Teddy bear. I adore you. I love to cuddle your sister, but cuddling her is like cuddling a wildcat: you never what she's going to do.

Love,
Dad

DST...

2011-03-14T23:36:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

The other day we set the clocks forward, which means you got up even earlier and came home passed out. June was a handful all afternoon. I'm wiped out.

Love,
Das

Nice day...

2011-03-13T23:32:00.000-04:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning you guys went to church and I stayed home. We switched all the clocks forward last night and it took me too long to get ready to go with you, so I did chores around the house, then took a shower. When you guys got back we went on yet another playdate, but first stopped topic up a little plant as a gift for our hosts. You guys had fun and the food was good too. June cried when we left. Then we went to Whole Foods, then came home where Mom made us a nice dinner. You guys went to bed relatively easy, and the day is done.

Love,
Dad

Swim, swim, swim...

2011-03-12T22:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning we went to your swim lesson and you did great, clearly loving it and performing fearlessly. I brought you home where your sister was having a playdate. Mom said everybody was super well behaved. Mom then took you guys to a movie that nobody seemed to like. During this time I went to a bunch of stores and bought you some new sneakers. When I got home, you guys arrived soon after,then Mom took off for a massage and I fed you, bathed you, and put you to bed. I should say I tried to feed you, but you ate nothing. Maybe next time.

Love,
Dad

Good eyes, and a runmfor Daddy...

2011-03-11T22:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Dr. Amy checked out your eyes this morning. Everything looks great. I did a long, hard run, feel pretty good.

Love,
Dad

Taxes...

2011-03-10T22:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This afternoon after you came and peed nicely on the potty, I went into the city with Mom to get our taxes done and get a bit to eat. The weather was bad, espexially just coming home a little while ago. Laura babysat you guys and took care of you. She loves you guys and really cares.

Love,
Dad

I'm back...

2011-03-09T22:57:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Here I am back from NH. YiaYia will soon be on the mend hopefully. She looks pretty good. I drove a long time today and I'm tired. I was so happy to see my kids when I got home. I missed you and June a ton. Mom says you guys were great the whole time.

Love,
Dad

Sleepy...

2011-03-08T23:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

We!re wiped from yesterday. Hope My wedding is beautiful..

Love,
Dad

Up late...

2011-03-07T23:56:00.007-05:00

Dear Nicky,

I should really have gone to sleep hours ago, but I had a big meal. I'm really tired from spending the day with YiaYia and Papou. Both are equally draining to be with. At the end of the day I just want to relax and distract my mind. I miss you.

Love,
Dad

I'm on the road again...

2011-03-06T22:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning I kissed and hugged you and left to drive up to New Hampshire to visit my mom, your Yia-Yia. She looks pretty good, but she's not all there upstairs. Hopefully she'll recover when we have her thyroid removed.

Mom tells me you and June had a nice time at Granny's, playing with a dog and eating a good dinner, then came back home for a bath.

Love,
Dad

LBI...

2011-03-05T23:49:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Today you had another great swim lesson that you loved. The teacher is so great with you, and she adores you as much as you adore her. The thing I don't like is the location, with its crowded locker rooms that stink, to the moderately affluent yuppies with their pricey haircuts. The swimming pool area itself is my idea of sensory overload: it's hot and loud and windowless, blazingly bright with fluorescent lights. But I endure it for you. And after your swim lesson we drove down to LBI to look at a house for possible rental this summer at the end of August. It was nice but pricey as is everything down there, and in close proximity to a condemned building. Weird. It was a long drive for not such a productive afternoon. Oh well, it was all your mother's idea.

Love,
Dad

Mom reads...

2011-03-04T23:50:00.005-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning Mom and I got a great review from June's pre-k teacher, which was great to hear. Then I dropped off my car for a lube, oil, and filter because I'm driving up to New Hampshire on Sunday to see my own mother. The girls and I went out to lunch, then Mom went to your school to read some Dr. Seuss books, for which she received a certificate.

Love,
Dad

Power outages...

2011-03-03T22:48:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This evening the power went out for a while. Good thing you and Junie were already asleep.

Love,
Dad

New lightsabers...

2011-03-02T23:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Earlier today I found those lightsabers that were lost for the longest time, the ones that came with a Wii game I bought at BJs. They actually light up. When you guys saw them you went crazy. You and June shelled while I played the Imperial Marxh on iTunes. Tomorrow I'm gonna videotape that.

Love,
Dad

No red spots...

2011-03-01T23:32:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

You came home withs afternoon with no red marks on your feet. You didn't Eat much dinner, then Mom gave you a bath, and I put you to bed.

Love,
Dad

Missing shoes...

2011-02-28T23:57:00.003-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning was your first day back at Stones after our trip to Disney, and I guess it must've been reasonably intense because you were asleep when you came home. But you woke up as soon as I laid you down on the couch and took off your shoes. "Play Wii," you said. How could I refuse? So we played some Wii, but you started getting too loud so I put on a movie instead. Then you had a nice dinner and we watched a little Star Wars Episode I, which you seemed to love. Then it was up to bed, where June had a meltdown because I didn't include Count Dooku in a Star Wars story I was telling her. Anyhow, after everybody was finally asleep I looked around for your shoes half an hour. It was like the disappeared off the whole planet. I even thought I might have thrown them away. Finally I found them, under a jacket of mine on a far corner of the bench. Your feet looked a little red this afternoon, so I clipped those elastic bands that hold the sneaker tongue in place and hopefully they won't pinch you anymore.

Love,
Dad

Sunday swim...

2011-02-27T23:57:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Today we went to church and you seemed to do well in Sunday School. Granny and Granddad came over after we rwturned home. Later we tried to go for a walk in the Great Swamp, but the trails were still too deeply covered with snow. Mom then took you for your afternoon swim lesson, which she told me you did great with. Meanwhile I took your sister down to the gym and put her in childcare while I did some light card and ab work. Afterward she and I had dinner at the gym cafe then we came home, whereupon you were both given a bath and put to bed by Mom.

Love,
Dad

Our routine...

2011-02-26T23:28:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Today we played a lot of Wii, went to Whole Foods and Target. I made us a nice steak for dinner that you ate well. The day went quickly without much happening, although I did find a mouse in one of our window wells this morning. I captured him alive and took him outside the house.

Love,
Dad

We're back...

2011-02-25T23:57:00.001-05:00

Dear Nicky,

We has a lot of fun at Disney, but now we must return to reality and our everyday lives. We left Florida in the early afternoon. The weather was spectacular, as it was during our whole trip. We were a little concerned because they were saying the weather was going to be so bad arriving in Newark, with terrible wind and rains. The flight was a little delayed, only fifteen minutes late in arriving, but it was a little turbulent at the end. You thought it was funny and laughed the whole time; June was so blasé about it she fell asleep. We got home and played some Wii, then had some food and a bath, then off to bed. We had a great time together.

Love,
Dad

Today we swam...

2011-02-19T23:45:00.002-05:00

Dear Nicky,

You loved your swimming lesson again today. We might go back next Sunday. Tomorrow we fly to Disneyworld.

Love,
Dad

Home early...

2011-02-18T23:01:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

We were lucky June, Mom, and I didn't go anywhere after our lunch because shortly after we came home, you came home too, an hour and a half earlier than we expected. We did our routine, then I patched you, and you played some Wii. Meanwhile Mom went and got some of your glasses fixed. When she came back, you three went to Granny's house while I went to the gym. You came home asleep and Mom took care of and put you to bed.

Love,
Dad

Kings for baloney...

2011-02-17T23:15:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This afternoon when you came home, after potty and getting a patch for a while, we needed to go the store for June's thing tomorrow. So I got you guys into the car and off we went

Love,
Dad

Grapey...

2011-02-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning I went to the docs and got a new scrip for your meds, since the old was unflavored and you clearly hated it. We were going to go down to Target this afternoon but you came home sound asleep and wouldn't wake up, so that was out. Junie and I snuggled while you slept, then I made steak for dinner, and gave you guys a bath. It wasn't a perfect day but somehow it was very peaceful for me. And I loved snuggling with you when it was your time to go to bed.

Love,
Dad

To the docs...

2011-02-15T22:03:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Well, you're on an antibiotic again. Just a week after seeing the ENT and getting a good review and a clean bill of health, you're now taking Augmentin to deal with a sinus infection. It was a pretty good day, though, in terms of productivity. Got your meds, stamped and mailed those invites for the Candlelighters, spoke with my lawyer regarding my mother. You ate a nice breakfast and a nice dinner and you're going back to school tomorrow.

Love,
Dad

Monday blahs...

2011-02-14T23:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning I got a call from Stones; you seemed tired and groggy. No more goldfish for you. You'd eat them morning, noon, and night if we let you. Better to eat some toast. .

Love,
Dad

Guests for dinner...

2011-02-13T23:45:00.007-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This evening we had company for dinner. You did pretty well, as did June. Not much else to say, really.

Love,
Dad

Swimming lesson...

2011-02-12T23:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

This morning I took you to your swimming lesson in Summit. You sure love it, and you're quite fearless at it too. And oh my does the teacher love you! It's really quite wonderful to see you have so much fun. We came home and played some Wii, had a snack, then I went to Target, came home and hung out while Mom went out for a while. Then Laurie came to babysit while Mom and I went out.

Love,
Dad

Good hearing report...

2011-02-11T21:10:00.000-05:00

Dear Nicky,

Mom took you to the ENT today for a hearing test and an exam of your ears. The audiologist who administered the hearing test was astonished at how well you did. The doctor was pleased with how your ears looked, with no redness or swelling, and he reached in and removed the last ear tube that was just sitting there in your ear canal. His notion regarding further tubes is wait and see. If you continue doing well with your ears, and your nasal spray keeps working, we might not need another set of tubes.

Love,
Dad